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 Apr 2014
Wednesday
There should be three crosses on the side of the highway
three bite size graves all in a row
three rotting skeletons collecting dust

When I was young I made a suicide pact
with my two best friends

I woke up on my bedroom floor
stars crossing in front of my eyes
empty bottle of pills still in my hand

At their funerals I kept my mouth closed
Because there are things their mothers needn't know

That should have been a sign
I was meant to forever walk this world alone
 Apr 2014
Wednesday
Oh yes im so concerned about what poison this cigarette will bring me when just two hours ago I dropped my speakers into the water
in hopes of electrocuting myself

but instead I just drowned 200 dollars
I always try to break as many rules as possible while driving
because I have this fantasy about a cop ******* me

or maybe just because I like the idea of getting away with things
I'm not nearly as complicated as you'd like me to be

and I'm sitting in 14 inches of ****** water from my slit wrists
so ask me why I'm laughing about this
like I'm finding the shine of the razor funny

I don’t ******* owe you anything

and I haven’t eaten in two days
I wonder how long ill keep this up this time
last time I nearly died

so ask me why that was the happiest time of my life
when I fainted daily and lost 40 pounds in 3 months

Don’t tell me its impossible or that I look healthy
because I make you have slit wrists as well

I have 4 butterfly knives and im okay with using them
just ask all the things ive buried in the woods behind my house
just ask me how I feel after kissing these poison frogs

and life is no longer a ******* simile

I haven’t left the house in a week
and I take three baths a day to keep me from feeling *****

so please tell me what that says about me

and you thought being a starving artist sounded romantic
 Apr 2014
Kevin Eli
I was raised being told to respect my elders,
But they only ever called me a punk growing up.
They said they raised us to one day give us the world.
Gave us what? Cities of ****, dry lakes and burning rust?
A generation of parents, so worried about taking care of their kids,
They destroyed the world so they wouldn't go outside. Mother's Envy.
They told me to pay attention in school,
And taught me that I didn't fit,
Never how to find a job, but certainly how to quit.

When your generation was growing up?
I don’t want to hear about your generation.
The generation that cared more about what created the world,
Than how to keep it alive?

A drunken stepfather blamed by his son,
In turn blaming his own father for the reasons his son hates him.

You want your kids to behave a certain way? Don’t force them.
Explain to them the effect and the cause.
Guide them, not govern them.
Accept and love them, they have your flaws.

Don’t forget that you would rather be rich and your enemy richer
Than to be blind in one eye so he will be in both.

I won’t use your generation as a scapegoat.
Today I am here to stop this cycle.
No, you will not be my excuse.

I will stand up and give a voice to the voiceless.
Run, walk and crawl for the crippled.
Find a cure for our parent's cancer.
Pay for our broken homes, flooding with bills.
Will break my back to farm for those without food
Who starve in our valleys, our plains, our hills.

But I beg.
Just please, oh Mother.
Don't force me to ****.
Because if I have to dear Father,

You know that I will...
 Apr 2014
Wednesday
Have you ever loved someone with

bird bones
paper thin skin
irises like pooling blood on a tile floor

Have you ever loved someone who
wears their heart on their sleeve in the way of a tattoo

Have you ever loved someone like

you wish their arms had heavy locks so that
you could keep them wrapped around you
until you grew tired of their embrace

Have you ever loved someone like
dripping IV bags
ICU at 2 am

Ever loved someone like
laying on the carpet in pain
watch the shadows on their face change
see the door open and close
these days the sunlight always looks the same

Ever loved someone like
dark circles under their eyes

Ever loved someone like
you wish to wear them like a necklace
have them ******* in a locket

Ever loved someone like
I would take a bullet for you
 Apr 2014
Carl Joseph Roberts
A Bottle Full Of Whiskey

He used a bottle full of whiskey
To dull the memories of his past
Knowing that the pain he felt
Would not fit into a glass

As he set there on his barstool
In his eyes I saw regret
He talked about the life he lived
How he wished he had it back

Would drink straight from the bottle
Just to make the numbness last
The story of his lonely life
He would tell to all who ask

He talked about lifes lessons
The mistakes that he had made
Said he lived with regrets
For things he cannot change

Thought the view from the bottle
Would help to make his life more clear
But the bottle got the best of him
And wasted all his years

He used a bottle full of whiskey
To dull the memories of his past
Knowing that the pain he felt
Would not fit into a glass


Carl Joseph Roberts
 Apr 2014
Kevin Eli
Like a blind date on wedding night,
You came before me once again.
This time, you said you loved me...

We drove and talked, you smiled
And told me everything I needed to hear.
Not what I wanted to, but what I needed.

You're changing, and I like it.

Ride with me once again,
Until the red wine is gone
and sweet nothings are said.

I admit I still love you too.
Yes, we can start over again...
Time can't change some things though.
 Apr 2014
Kevin Eli
My car is a ****.

She lets homeless people get in her
She gets oil changes from anybody
And doesn't care what gas she fills up on.
Whether like cheap beer or fine wine,
No matter, she'll need more in short time

I don't know why I get mad when I'm not the driver
But my car will let four, sometimes five men get inside of her
She's been stopped by more cops at curbs than Zimmerman
And turned more tricks at corners than Paris Hilton

She is fun, sleek, and knows where to go,
Knows when to stop and start when I say no.
Only problem is, that each time I want to know
Where she's been, silent instead, with a low hum and that hubcap grin.

My car is a ****.
 Apr 2014
Wednesday
I fell in love with you all over again in a hospital waiting room

I fell in love with the deep purple under your eyes
like delicate bruising

I fell in love with the paleness of your lips
from lack of nutrients

I fell in love with the way you moved slowly
and achingly wrapped in a white blanket the color of your skin

I fell in love with the deep crimson of your blood
as it ran through your IV

I fell in love with you again as I laid with you in the hospital bed at 3 am

we’d been there for 10 hours
and you had a little too much morphine in your system
and a lack of sleep
when you pulled me close and said

“I could really see myself marrying you some day”

and that was right before you kissed me with your dye stained lips
so they could see your insides better on the x-ray

I fell in love with you again when you looked at me with your
big hazel eyes that turn black around the edges

You said god had sent me from heaven
An angel to watch over you

I'm not too sure about that but what I do know is:

I Do
 Apr 2014
Wednesday
it is 4:56 am and you went to sleep
two and a half hours ago
but I'm sitting here going through all of your pictures
reading comments left from girls who are
so much prettier than me

it's hard telling yourself "do not get attached"
when all I want to do is sew myself to you
weave my veins with yours until they
take root and start to bloom in your bloodstream

a lot of the time I want to poison you
make us an even more twisted modern tale
of Romeo and Juliet

you say all of the right things but it is never enough
I want to burn the love letters on top of your funeral pyre

a lot of the time I dream of killing you
 Apr 2014
Wednesday
You are cold tile in summer
I am bare feet

The sun rises and dies for you daily
The moon watches you sleep
Watches dreams from deep underneath eyelids

Irises like cliff diving
If you look down you cannot breathe
I wish to be the air caught in your lungs

Skin beneath my fingertips
Softly yielding
We are the last two on earth
I would choose no one else to be lonely with

I am drawn to you like a moth to flame

Desire like a trick candle on a birthday cake-
There is no burning it out

Smoke curled from your mouth like ribbons
I wished to be your cigarette
If only for the chance to be close to your lips again

I want to breathe you in
Have you lingering on my tongue like melting candy

When I was little I thought happiness was a magic potion
Now I know happiness is a feeling
Caught in the gaps of my ribcage
Only to be discovered with the x-rays that are in your touch

I am in deep blue water
Feather light
Using thoughts of you to keep me afloat

There are flowers sprouting from my heart
Your touch holds my bones together
You are a skeleton made of stardust
There is magic in your breathing
I find myself longing to inhale it
 Apr 2014
Carl Joseph Roberts
Dream ***(LOL)

Have you ever really noticed
How dream *** feels so good
Makes you feel so special
Lets you wish you could

You try to fall back to sleep
And hope it starts again
Or lay there and just reminisce
With something in your hand

Dream *** can be special
It can help you through your day
You can dream about those you know
Or those who have no names

Still dream *** can be harmful
If you let a name scream out
Especially if you're married
And that name is not your spouse

Dream *** was my downfall
With my wife last night and me
It turns out I had dream ***
With an ex girlfriend who she'd seen

This dream *** has a funny part
For it wasn't my own dream
My wife just started yelling
And hit me in my sleep

My wife was having dream ***
And it involved my ex and me
I remember cause it hurt so good
When she woke me from my sleep

I asked if dream *** counted
If it was *** just in her dream
She stared at me with those eyes
And I knew I wouldn't sleep

So I took my wife in my arms
To make love so she could see
That it was only dream ***
And she was the one for me

Now what I didnt tell my wife
Was of the dream she made me see
For I now wanted dream ***
With the girl out of her dream

I closed my eyes and started
Then hollored the wrong name
Quickly I then figured out
Dream *** always ends the same

My wife started hitting me
For having dream *** once again
So like most dream *** that happens
I got no happy end


Carl Joseph Roberts
And im not married, go figure...lol
 Apr 2014
Kevin Eli
The band plays
Arms in the air while feet stomp the ground
Girls cross the dance floor like a caravan
The music still plays since I said goodbye long ago
It's the same party, different people.

Thick cigarette smoke stands still on the patio.
A glass of white wine swirled in hand with delight
The joy, the laughter, the old friends say hello
One by one with stamps or wristbands on tight
They all come eventually but some will never go

I remember this circus from long ago
With its memories and moments I so dearly hold
If you ever find the door and need a ride home
Just wait until tomorrow's sun gives enough light to see the road
Don't worry about missing the show
The band still plays
 Apr 2014
Kevin Eli
To choose to listen to the voices in my head or the whisper in my heart.
Blinded by my own hand most of the time.
The roller coaster turned into a merry-go-round.
I knew where I had ended up, but I didn't see the start.
My thoughts are off and running again...

Round and round,
I feel this creeping monster run down my spine and gnaw at my center.
I am terrified of it.
I let it go on forever.

...I finally looked inside and asked,
"What the hell do you want from me?"

"I just want you to know that it's me, which is you.
Just trying to tell you that you need love, that's the truth."

I need to stop crucifying myself to feel alive.
It's selfish.
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