I wanted to write something marvelous, something so beautiful it would make you stay.
An ocean of words rushed through my brain
But none of them could create a sentence that was good enough.
I wanted to steal your shoes, just to walk in them and feel what you feel.
I wanted to give you the chills
But you're already so cold that I freeze just thinking of lying next to you again.

Believe I am ruined


Habit of believing them
Always made me their followers
Even they proved thorn in rose many ways pricking other

Wanting or not wanting them
I sold my time further and further
Consequently, passing of era gave temple brown brother

Swallowing spit and even believing
Weightage of vote turned pale
Youths of both sexes decreased from my town brother

Couching in sofa their faces glow
As if almighty they are for all and for time
Consensus or process of opinion
Dying in my lap untimely brother

Believe I am ruined not having to drink pure water
Name of disease appears day by day
Killing numerous one after other

Town’s rumple in the evening and night
Tries to extract beautiful glamour
Poor they are even not know culture of death soaring hoard

Orphan children piles themselves
In my ruined town for sake of future
Certainly someday their turn of plight signals them come brother

Why a zero invention circles in me
Circumnavigating hopeless culture
When will those skyscrapers nod to salute my poor brother?

A class of enthusiasm and spirit glimpse
In the light of TV channel always
Programmer holding Mac to me and me like thousand brothers

Flown jets in the aerospace indicate
Dollars return bringing happiness for family
Suppressing heart by two hands see coffin’s of youth brother

Believe I am ruined in earth and space
Hesitantly seeing behave for soil, water and youths of village
Believe I am ruined seeing, leaving to respect youths’ spirit for.

It's not the initial shock and sadness,
it's not the months of forcing yourself
to go through the motions until you feel normal again.

It's not the dividing of the things
or the moving out of your shared space.

It's the inside jokes you'll never get to laugh at again.
The jokes that don't even register in your mind
until someone else says the setup phrase
and you automatically reply,
getting only a confused look from them.

when I wanted to turn my wrists into christmas gifts and slice them with paper cutters to see if I could find a better tomorrow written in my veins

where were you

when I wanted to pour my tears into a Xanax and Clorox cocktail and get buzzed on the thought of angel wings tearing my back open

where were you

when I took a heart shaped box full of rotted sweets and poured it in the gasoline that lit our first kiss, watching the good intentions burn to ash on the pavement

where were you

when I tore up the tear-stained ink-heavy pages of love notes and tossed them into my backyard stream

where were you

when I took off the bracelet you made me and tied it to the traffic sign on the bridge where the police found me

where were you

when I was handcuffed to a bench in a stone holding room singing our song over and over again, screaming unintelligibly at every officer who asked for my name

where were you

when I called every night, wondering why you decided not to speak to me anymore

where were you

when I checked my messages and saw "*****" where I said "sweetheart", "******* ******" where I said "I'm sorry."

where were you

when I tied my last hope to a tree on the beach and swung from it

where were you

when I prayed the rope would snap just as easily as my heart did

where were you

when I stood on your doorstep in the rain, wishing that I didn't remember your address

where were you

when I was passed out on the curb, drunk and alone

where were you

when I was curled under a desk, screaming at the rain and kicking the locked doors

where were you

when I was at the cliffs, counting the jutted rocks and trying to measure the exact angle I would need to fall

where were you

when I finally decided enough was enough,
and took every piece of my glass heart and used it to carve a new person

But love,

where were you

when I needed someone to hold me while I was hurting?

A constant rumble has found itself trapped in the back of your thoughts.
To you,
This is normal.

They've always been there,
The voices,
But now they're growing louder.
You can hear their words.

They can show you things.
Things no one can see
Things that aren't really there

And you listen

You follow his orders
He's the one in charge, right?

"Take the pills,
Grab the knife,
Bite the gun."

Do not question him.
The others become angry
They tell you what you really are.

"A waste,
A disappointment,
Useless."

And so you listen.
You're lead to the bathroom
Where the screams crack mirrors
And your ears will bleed.

"Taste gunpowder...
You will free them,
They will be happier."

One shot is heard.
Then a laugh.
He has won
Again.

And a new voice is heard in the crowd.

As harrowing as it might be
go hang your thoughts from a tree
the old gnarled bark remembers well
the days of light as the darkness fell
its twisted roots are buried deep
like comforting arms as we sleep
up above its branches sway
within its shadows we do pray
leaf's like tears fall to the ground
memories of the lost and found
we see it all through crimson skies
the tainted visions and all the lies
but if your soul seeks to be free
go hang it all from a tree.