it is in times like this
when i miss you the most

when i picture
your white christmas
the smell of your misltoe
and the warmth of you fire

things i see through a dream
and nothing more
because you are not here
and you must not be real

but i still hope
and i still sing the songs
inside my head
and alongside with my heart
and my blood
that some day you will be back

though i know
that there is nothing left to do
but cope
with the unsaid truth
that my body seems to forget
with the ugly fact
that you are not coming back

and these holidays
have made me tired
of socializing so much
and giving smiles for fun

i stare into your
empty eyes
and my heart skips a beat
and my breath caughts in my throat
because what i not see in there
is what scares me the most

and i want you
to crack me up
open my chest
find my heart
grab it with your hands
listen to its tender song
cannot you hear
the constant pumps
of my heart singing
a sad love song
cannot you hear
how it sings your name
over and over again

what do i have to do
what star do i have to be
for you to realize
for you to recall
that after one bad song
i still love you whole

how is it that for you
it has all be the end
that because the beat didn’t match the lyrics
you threw it all away

and my aching heart
hurts every time it pumps
because while it calls out for you
yours is not answering back

i recall our talks
our inner jokes
and the stupid
stupid nicknames
that you called

and it is like i am
in a thunderstorm

i rain down
rivers of tears
enough to create a sea
enough to make you flee

and between that second
when the lightning strikes
and all of the dark sky
is painted in light stripes
it's like seeing the sun again

but it passes, oh so quickly
and then the strom continues
but i can still feel
the jolt of electricity
and the sound of thunder
of your voice
interrupting in my forever-going
thunderstorm

i rise and i think of you
you are my last thought when i close my eyes
and the person that i picture
with every love song

i look at the sky
and all i see are your eyes

i feel the grass
and all i feel is your tender touch

i bath in the sun
and all that burns through me is your soul

you are a thief
but you haven’t even realize
that when you left
that when you sent the last text
and decided to not answer mine
you took my sky and grass
you took the sunshine out of my eyes
and you took my heart in your bag

i have been waiting
my whole life waiting

chocolate curls
soft as silk
playful and messy

it is said that waiting is the hardest part
boy, they are right

squared jaw
cut with dimonds
rosy and strong

i have been waiting
waiting my whole life

round lips
rose petals
cushion of kiss

it is said waiting is the hardest part
when will it end?

board shoulders
pringed by muscles
kissed by the sun

i have been waiting
when are you going to come?

wide hands
strong and caring
passionate devices of your own

it is said that waiting is the hardest part
though i don't really know

cause waiting is all i know

your blue eyes
deep as the ocean
moons in the sky

i have been waiting
you are so full of dreams

and i will wait and wait
cause you cannot be real
you cannot be truth
you cannot be mine

and waiting is all i know

i am trying

i am trying
i am trying
and i am trying

i want to forget
to have my chaotic mind
ereased to the very end

i want it pure
a white page
to be filled with good things

but most importantly

i want to erease you

i want to erease you and i
us

and i wanna erease the memories
that my heart holds
and the secrets
it unfolds

i am a starling
trying not to fly
i am a stallion
trying not to run wild

i want to forget all know
and create knew memories
of me
and of the world

but not of you
because it hurts too much
that you are no more than a dream
never to be real

and all i want to do
is draw in my page
is paint
is write
and is keep

you in my page
forever and more

you torment me with your memory
a chaos of sun
stars and rainbows
hope and want

but my page is not a machine
it was not wired up
i cannot reset
and neither can the matters of my mind

and neither the matter of you

every night
i dream of you

i recall your dreamy eyes
the scent of your shampoo
i trace your lips
kiss your jaw

but then i wake up
every night
at the same time

your memory is so alive in my mind
and it is crazy
how the mind can create such wonders

never did i kiss your lips
never did i held your hand
yet all i feel when i close my eyes
is your touch

it has been years now
i must be a ghost to you
someone that you used to know
a faint dream never to be re-told

but to me you are my sun
i wake to see your eyes
i touch to feel your hand
i smell to inhale your scent

and when i rise
all there is to do
is write down four words
and then head back home

never will i send that messege
never will i see you again
but wouldn’t it be a wonder
if i ever hit ‘send’ ?