I'm so far inside myself
Starting to feel like someone else
Getting lost in the dreams
Of the girl in mirror
That I can no longer see
She's beginning to scare me
And it seems like my mind
Is her favorite flavor of coffee
She drinks up my thoughts
And gets a rush of energy
All I can feel for her is envy
Yet, she's supposed to be inspiring
And me? I'm practically dying
Just waiting for the mood to strike
Finding the right music to surround me
It's tiring and
I've been living life so patiently
Feeling like
It's starting to get to me
Breaking the mirror inside my eyes
Does nothing
Neither does smoking out my mind
She just seems to soak it all in
Breathing in the fumes of my coffee
Giving me nothing but an empty space
And my face
Is just her face, minus the evil grin
I can't even begin
My muse is addicted
Trying to get her on the mend
Find the fix she needs
So this beginning
Doesn't start with the end

1 2 3
That's all this to me
456
The number of times I try to go to sleep in one night
8 9 10
They say counting helps you fall asleep but just keeps me up
1 2 3
Let's try again

Now I know I like guys
I know I only have a relationship with one
But that doesn't stop me from feeling something
Something that a heterosexual shouldn't feel
I know I am a female both of my *** and my gender
And that's all I'll be seen and all I will be
But that doesn't stop me from feeling something
Something that a cis girl shouldn't feel
But if these are true and Who am I
Am I wrong of who I know I am?

I love you so much, that I think you’ll hate me
When I **** in trying to be helpful
Instead I get into **** that’s none of my business
When I hesitate to tell you something
I wait days, or till the last minute
And ******* the devil would be scared by your anger
You make me go higher, get stronger, be kinder
But...is it just because you expect me to?
I can’t breath, air too hot for my lungs
I feel anything but disgust at myself for being a mistake
I can’t see cuz of these tears
These ******* ******* tears
I love you so, so, so much
Yet, your love makes me afraid of you
Cuz I think I’ll never deserve it