thinking alouD can be dangerous
it can causE anger and strife
but i'd rather be honest to People
than tReat them like fool's
if you ask what I'm fEeling
the anSwer remains the same
you juSt have to find it
although hIdden through words
my expressiOn says it all
is it obvious Now

Maybe there should be a different word for forgiveness because there are two kinds.

There is the forgiveness that we all automatically think of when we hear that word.

The kind where when they apologize and you feel the betrayal and pain come crashing down, collapsing on top of you all at once. Your world falling apart, or maybe just the walls of defense but as they begin to crumble, you can hear their, "I'm sorry," echoing through the back of your mind as you let the pain wash over you.
With each wave that comes you begin to bathe them in the cleansing waters too.
Your pain transmuting through a hug and three little words and you can feel it all wrap around you both like a big warm hug and you just...
Let go.

Then there's the kind of forgiveness that happens with boundaries.
This kind gets you stuck in your anger because more than likely the other person isn't going to come to you at their knees and try to show you they wanna make it better.
Or maybe, they just plain have run out of chances and your good graces wore thin but this kind of forgiveness will bring you to your own knees.
Begging for reprieve from the knives that have been stabbed into back. You just wish it was the person who put it there to give it but it won't be them.
It'll be you.

And you don't ever really "forgive" someone when you've finally removed THEIR knife the way you do when someone takes accountability for their half of the pain.

The other half of forgiveness is painful and lonely.

But you do it for you.
Just like they did it all for them.

You don't get a loving hug.
You get rug burnt, bleeding, hot trembling hands as you finally let go of the weight that was slowly about to drag you off the cliff from holding on.

But the minute you let go you find relief as the cool wind lightly kisses your callouses.

So you let it go.

Let go.