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 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
I as much as I hate to admit it,* I honestly love him more than the sun.



Although...

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I absolutely despise the sun with fiery loathing...



So I suppose that leaves him in the *
*"I really hate you" slot...
It's not like he "broke my heart" or some **** I wasn't "in love" with him I'm not even totally sure I believe in romantic love anymore after him and everything else, but he DID hurt me either way and I DID like him. :/ Idk. Whatever. It's just that, he is a trigger for me when something negative happens involving him, one of my "moods" kick in where I feel so worthless and ugly and horrible.

Don't ask why I loathe the sun. I know, I know it gives me life etc. etc. blah blah blah I KNOW. I know I tend to enjoy my life more with the Sun in it, but I still hate it. Actually, same goes for him too.
 Dec 2014
Santiago
I would like pay homage
For this incredible page
Depicting shining stage
Everyone's therapy
A drug free ecstasy
Dreams, and fantasy
Brought to life
Thank you for the impossible
Making things possible
You gave people relief
Opening doors to belief
Ideas, emotions, thoughts
Shared for the world to see
Setting many souls free
Planting the seed for the next tree
Traveling at an extraordinary speed
Opening minds so that people can read
And feed their brain & break the restrain
Inevitable to hault like a train
Holding you up high on my wall like a frame
Seeking truth never wanted fame
My favorite site I dwell in peace
For the founder, the director, and administrator
I would like to say thank you
For this marvelous opportunity
You have done well
You have accomplished
You have constructed art
You have extreme potential
You have impacted something
I can surely tell...
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
Ena
My hands are too small
I can't catch all of your pain
I wish I could save you from yourself
But I am not strong enough
To beat the darker parts of you
And the lighter parts of you
Are no match for your inner demons
But God I wish I could take your pain
And bear your burdens for you
I promise you though
You are a candle
Candles flicker
But they always flicker back to shining
There's no sense in blowing out a candle
Just because it is flickering
It will be okay.
You don't need to be strong,  just be brave.
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
I don't know
It's fine
No it's not fine
I'm not fine
No I'm okay
This doesn't even make any f!cking sense
I don't know
Why am I feeling like this
I need a distraction
I NEED A F!CKING DISTRACTION
why am I yelling
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm (not) okay
Whatever
Someone stop me from texting him
Before I make an even bigger pathetic ***** of myself
I feel like an emotion-****
That doesn't even make sense
I think I need to find something else to get my mind off him
I think I need to find someone else to get my mind off him
I don't care whatever
Except that I do
Don't let me text him
PLEASE stop me from texting him
My mind is driving me insane
I give up.
No, I can't give up.
I'm going to stop
I won't text him
I think.
I am a waste of space. I am worthless. I hate him. I don't know *** my emotions are doing. no.
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
Remember
When the scariest thing in the world
Was the dark?
I miss that. :( This will be a series.
 Dec 2014
SG Holter
In my eyes, an eye for another
Is fuel to the funeral pyre.
Yet my hands long to
Rip heart from chest;
The soul from the flesh,
And toss the rest on the fire.

Innocence, the least deserving
Victim. Cut, shot, burned alive.
Where is the real Heaven?
It sure as Hell hasn't pulled a
Trigger, or a blade
Across their lifelines, the
Little carriers of
The only actual holiness there is.

I have 132 child shaped
Holes in my heart.
How can I fill them with other than
Anger? Disbelief?

I don't care where you are from.
Your religion, philosophies.
There are no greater sins  
Than those against children.
No God, only demons and devils
Behind your hideous actions.
I want. To ****. You.
Does that make me 'no better'?

If so... I don't care.

The smallest coffins are
The heaviest.


May our shoulders hurt
For aeons.
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
I don't even know what the hell is wrong with you anymore.
Just stop, okay?
Please.
Don't tell me how you got drunk, I don't actually care about how you defile your own body or any other girl's body in public or in private, I don't give a **** about how much **** or ecstasy you've messed up your body with. You are beyond under-aged. I don't even care about the law, really. I am not a particularly law abiding person, I don't care if you drink under-aged or sleep around or get high as hell or smoke like it's your last night alive, but don't tell me about it. It doesn't impress me.
It saddens me that you are so young and are already turning to substances. You are letting the drugs and the alcohol swallow you and turn you into someone you are not, losing who you are. It bothers me that you inhale smoke into your lungs before you can even legally drive. It hurts my heart that you seek only to satisfy your body, and you need it from more than one girl, you can't just commit to one person because you have no love in your heart so ***** you.
The problem is, I don't even care, okay?
I don't even care, but you are a cold and unkind person because you are *not faithful, you are so brutal, you know that you are hurting me and don't even f!cking care I wish I could cry but I swore to myself I would never ever cry over you as long as I lived and I don't care, I don't care I DON'T F!CKING CARE ....except I do.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
it doesn't matter it's fine he is worth nothing to me I can let him go I wish I had just shut up no I don't miss him God I miss him no I miss the idea of him he was nothing special I am never going to learn why am I so overdramatic and pathetic I get stupid after midnight I hate life no I don't I just hate myself yeah that's fair enough I don't know what's wrong with me why did I text him during one of my broken moments there is something wrong with me I hate everything but mostly myself and him but I don't hate him no I really DO hate him I loathe him why did I waste my time I am a pathetic loser why I am I doing this to myself I can't escape my own head I hate everything why do I keep saying that I am getting sick of hating everything why does he have to exist I should ****** him with a chainsaw oh yes I would enjoy that oh wait that's illegal okay why am I spending so much time on it I should really be doing work right now I am really stupid okay I have accomplished nothing today I am just an option for him I am just another pathetic little ego boost I hope he dies alone I hope he is okay he is not okay I am not okay I am not okay I am not okay omfg what if wrong with me why do I have to be this dumb he is damaged from the divorce of his parents so he is being a ******* and acting out, maybe that's it maybe he will change NO. don't think like that he will not change ever don't expect him to why do you like him anyway I don't like him I don't like him well I kind of do I don't know what I'm thinking I can't breathe he would never give me a second look and I don't want him to except I want him to so I can break him but he won't I am worthless.
I am losing my mind.
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
Well.
That backfired.
Thank you though,
For telling me about all the **** you got into
All that crap you've done this year
Because it makes it so much easier
To let you go.
Thank you for telling me you miss me, and that I am beautiful
Then telling me you are with a girl
In the same f!cking text conversation
Because it makes it so much easier
To convince myself I could never trust you
If this is how you treat the girl you are with
Behind her back
Thank you for telling me all about how worthless you are
Because I couldn't agree more.
Thank you.
For making my summer a little more interesting
Thank you for at least telling me a couple pretty lies
Even if I knew they were lies
At least they were pretty
Because boys don't usually give those to me
Thank you for wasting my time
So now I appreciate how precious it really is
Thank you
For making me realize
You are nothing special
Like I used to think you were.
I don't know what to do now. I'm really dumb. Augh. I hate myself. *** is WRONG WITH ME?!!!
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
Well.
That backfired.
Thank you though,
For telling me about all the **** you got into
All that crap you've done this year
Because it makes it so much easier
To let you go.
Thank you for telling me you miss me, and that I am beautiful
Then telling me you are with a girl
In the same f!cking text conversation
Because it makes it so much easier
To convince myself I could never trust you
If this is how you treat the girl you are with
Behind her back
Thank you for telling me all about how worthless you are
Because I couldn't agree more.
Thank you.
For making my summer a little more interesting
Thank you for at least telling me a couple pretty lies
Even if I knew they were lies
At least they were pretty
Because boys don't usually give those to me
Thank you for wasting my time
So now I appreciate how precious it really is
Thank you
For making me realize
You are nothing special
Like I used to think you were.
I don't know what to do now. I'm really dumb. Augh. I hate myself. *** is WRONG WITH ME?!!!
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