hollow.
sunken.
depressed.
what a mess
in the flesh.
and i contest
you to confess
that i am in fact
a pest.

I haven’t rested
in several days
and all the energy
I ‘ve invested
does not pay
back anything but
black rays of pain.

My mind is foggy,
my fingers fumble.
I am not coherent.
I merely mumble
as I stumble out
to deal with my doubt.

So, tired and I need
just a little bit of
sweet relief sleep.

My eyes are red.
My head is sore
I’d like an hour
but could take seven more.

My vision blurs,
and smoky mists
split apart in front of me
even though I know
they don’t exist.

Little off white flakes
fall like fake
snow,
but I know this is more ash
to feed the fast growing
sleep deprived madness
that I am showing.

The screen is becoming
a blur of red marks
meant to remind me
that my spelling
is worsening,

and I can’t find the end
of this late-night poem
because I am so freaking
tired.

Good Heart

Can I sit on the couch with you and watch tv?
Can we laugh and tell jokes, late into the night?
Can we play music and sing old songs we enjoy together?

Can we be more than acquaintances
I don’t want to be a friend of friend
I want to love you
I want you to be mine

Can we love each other?

Do I even know what I am saying
when I say I love you
and I want to enjoy you
Is it only what I can get?

Can we love each other?

People don’t understand our dance
“How foolish you looked today…”
But I want show you
I want them to have you too

Can we love each other?

I know you will curl up around me
when I cry in the bed
You have given me peace before
when I am confused you’ll do it again

Can we love each other?

When I said I wanted to see your face
You showed me a glance
but then hugged me from behind
You want closeness and to have my back

Can we love each other?

You smell like memories
in perfume and *****, stale water
You look like freedom in a hospital
You feel sunshine on a snow day

Can we love each other?

You sound like more
than I have been willing to hear
I don’t want to just get you
I want to have you

Can I love you?
the one who delights in such funny things
Can I love you?
the one who likes to buy fake flowers with me
Can I love you?
when I don’t fully understand you

Then you say, "Remember, you have a good heart"

Spinning threads to let me know
How much you love me
And how perfect I am to you
The reasons preach of an angel
That you say I look like
And that's how much I mean to you
The grin on your face tells me another story
Yet, I believe in you
And the honey suckle words you blow
Just, mists that dark love
When you say, I am made for you
I know the truth, Oh, yes I do
But what good it's gonna be
Holding me tight, you whisper your vows
Your grip so strong
You already straggling me now
Love you till eternity
Till my breath runs out
I'd reach the depth of your dark soul
To set it free
For your love to me means alot
In times like this
I'd accept death
In the form of your shadow
If it's meant to set you free
I'll love you more
From the starland where I belong
My love
I'd wait for you
I'd wait for you...


©sim

The faces you see
Are not who
I want to be

My smile is as big
For all to see

Looking Closely
the eyes
Never tells lies

Yet I have scars
You can not know

I have pain
Which would
drive most insane

Is it you
Is it me
Push Away

It’s not a mission
just a transition
one step forward
but still remembering
where I came from
so, I can go on living for
what I aim for.

It’s not a vision
that I am pursuing
or a narrative
that is worth viewing.
It’s just a collection
of interacting moments
that I experience
without knowing
where they are going.

It’s not special
unless I declare it so.
It’s not harmful
unless I let be so.
There may be bad things
but they don’t own me,
and I can be better than
what this world has shown me.

Sometimes,
when the shadows rise,
and lips spread wide
giving me a glimpse
of the otherside
of what might
be love,

I pretend
this is just my next friend
and tell myself
she is probably a lesbian,
that way I do not bother
risking any hope.
That way I can cope
by rationalizing away
any opportunity
to get my heart broke.

It is easy to be me
without adding the complexity
of hoping she may love me.
So, I can just be
her next nerdy buddy.

Welcome to the chamber
where I place all of my anger,
a place where you’ll find danger
if you try to hurt a stranger.

Welcome to the bathroom
that you see in the back room
where the **** rises high
and stinks up the night,
where the pigs own the sty
and the stench brings
tears to my eyes.

Welcome to the ending
of yesterday’s beginning.
Now, face the shadows blending
as prism prisons starts light’s bending,
where darkness does conform
to the wicked arts the corrupt perform,
but dragons still the rule the castles
that knightly fellows refuse to storm.

Welcome to my frustration.
It’s been brewing for a while
and all that boils in the pots
has stolen swollen smiles
and replaced happy faces
with clenched jaws
of undealt with rages.

I could have been happy if,
I didn’t have to live with
the secret expectations
of someone who believed
in the ascension
of humanity.

I could have smiled more,
if the world that I adored
was filled with fellow hearts
that held compassion’s
glowing spark.

I could have been a better friend
if I hadn’t been condemned
to feelings and deeper thoughts
passions of a darker cost,
but as the rose wilted
all hope was lost,
all my childhood dreams got
caught, cut up, or co-opted.

I could have came home last night
and told you all it would be alright,
but I am too tired to lie,
and I am too tired to try.
So, I say goodnight to this deceiving dream
of believing in
the good hearts of my fellow humans.