that afternoon
   when we arrived
   for coffee & cake
   at the Vienna TV-tower
   I saw a bundle
   on a stretcher
   right by the entrance

I did not tell you
   what I learned
   from the flustered manager
   who quickly ushered us around
   the ominous object

that the crumpled shape
   had jumped from
   the panorama terrace
   not so long before

I would not allow
   a stranger's death
   intrude upon
   our happiness

I’m not good enough
That spoiled egg out of the bunch

Joy left me
Sin slept in my bed to much

Too far gone
Pushed off the path

Lost a sense of direction
Can’t find my way back

Faith, dislocated
Broken fingers can’t hold a bible

To embarrass to come to you
I’m not running

How could I face you
Prayer, foreign language

This prayer is my last
If it goes unanswered.....

Broken heart
The goal is to depart, sickening earth  

Hurt, Suicides a killer
It'll take you, Quicker then any steel

Instantly
Then any bullet shell

Rope burns
Snapped neck

Broken veins
Spilled flesh

Lost soul since 10 years
Blood filled tears

Devils advocate
Bully magnet

Contract unfulfilled
Until suicide kills

Dragons breath
Nothing left

Cheap wine
Quick death

Lonely man
Bad rep

Rumor mills
Loved spilled

Broken hearts
Empty chest

6 long years
Disappeared

Now he's alone
Wishing she'd come back home

Until then

He sips dragons breath
Hoping it'll light a fire

Deep in his belly

She smokes
She chokes

She laughs
She cries

Blue eyes
Blue sky

Salty tears
Stained eyes

French inhale
Exhales soot

Laughter
And death

Clouded lungs
Foggy room mixed with ***

She can't admit she's hurting
She can't accept he's gone

She smokes
She chokes

She cries
Gets high, she French inhales

I'm sorry
I failed you
I know I promised to always hold on
But I just couldn't keep you in my grip
I tried to always hold you in the palm of my hands
But you just filtered through the seems like sand
Im ashamed to see
All the scars you bare on your body because of me
I let you go
And watched everyone else pull you down
Back riddle with marks
From being drugged on the ground
You always treated some like royalty
But you've never been crowned
I know I let you down
But I'm back now
Tried reaching out to pick you back up
But you just slapped my hand away
And frowned
What don't you remember me?
Aren't I still the person
You see
When you look in the mirror
Aren't you still looking at me?  
I know I let you down
Tried taking care of everyone else
But never looked after me

I use to stay up all night
If you were in pain
I'd be the ice
You applied me to you, whenever you need too
But I didn't mind
You were mighty fine
And my family adored you
But it turns out you were a trickster
Tried to play my heart like a drum
It would've worked
But my heart couldn't be rung
It didn't carry a beat
It needed to be strummed
But my heart was way out of tune
Plus it was previously swept away in my last girl typhoon
You see she was one of those good people out there
But sadly I was more like you
A liar
Manipulative
Replied to all your love you's
I love you too
But that was never true
I was just reading from the script
Reciting a line
Like a play we were acting out
But really
You were just a drawing to me
And I was trying to erase parts I didn't like about you
You were trying to play me
And I was slowly trying to change you
See you thought I was a good guy
But you can't fool a fool
Without getting fool too
Love is really a game
And I haven't been in love in a very long time
You see I'm no longer a good person, no not anymore
Not after parting ways from you

a couple states away,
in the snow dusted hills
lies a possible future
that i never thought i'd see

there are several doors
lined up in front of me
and i'm not quite sure
to which one i hold the key

the map that lines my pocket
is crumpled to a point
where i can't read
and the ink has gotten sweaty
as it slowly starts to bleed

i see a light
through a dark, empty space
and i'm too afraid
of truly finding my place
you can read every word
that i think,
on my face
but there's no answer

decision making has always been
something i have trouble with
i either stand in place
or i sink myself into a hole
never really getting anywhere
simply watching
as i, and everyone around me grow old
i'd forget it was winter if it wasn't so cold

time passes around me, twice
twisting trails around my life
letting everything pass me by
as i live, and as i die

Now,

the sun isn't even on our side

You can tell by the way
it shamefully hides

And the clouds only serve
to shroud
out our light

The moon falsely projects
recycled rays in the night

And somewhere,
deep inside all of this,
I sit

And I'm just not sure
where I fit
into it

It really reeks
Like decaying flesh
It stinks
I try to cover my face
But it still gets through the crevices in my fingers
And fill up my nose
The smell stains my clothes
I even tried to air out
Opened up a few windows
But nothing works
Love stinks so bad
It's starting to hurt