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 Jul 2015
Mike Hauser
I might be a few years to late
As this has been decades in the making

But I'm going through with a commune
To give a few hippies something to do

So I wrote an ad, put it on a list
They say this guy Craig is the best

Now my yard is filled with hippies by the score
Or would the proper way be to say hippies galore

I hurried them all into the house
It wouldn't do for the neighbors to find this out

I set up booths in different rooms
I handed out name tags and colorful kazoo's

Don't let it be said I run a shabby commune
You gotta keep the hippies happy in all you do

That's why I have a calendar of special events
From karaoke kazoo to rug making with hemp

On Tuesday's we basket weave, Wednesday's we kite
But never in the day as hippies burn in the light
(Or is that Vampires...scratch that, that may not be right)

I even hired a Jerry Garcia look a like
To call out the numbers on Bingo night

All this hard work hasn't gone for not
Communes and Jefferson Airplane tunes last week called me up

They'd like to feature me in their magazine
A full page article on living the dream

Where I can help others to have their very on
Commune to invite a few hippies along

So go out if you can to a magazine stand
Read how it's done then buy you some land

We'll have hippie commune's from one end to the other
No color nor creed just sisters and brothers
 Jul 2015
martin
The three toed sloth
Rhymes with goth
Or is it oath

Moves slowly

Sometimes algae grows on his head
Joni Mitchell didn't mean him
when she said

Wild things run fast
Randy, three toed sloth,
he'd come last

Once a week he climbs down from his tree
And that's to have a poo
and ***

Now even sloths get amorous
But *** is tricky up a tree
He moves too quick, he's not used to it
And hits the ground involuntarily

Randy broke his arm
Some people fixed it
with titanium

So he can resume his slothful days
But he's more careful now
in his loving ways
sloth sanctuary
Costa Rica
re-work of an earlier post
 Jul 2015
TigerEyes
A beautiful Paris day

CUT TO: A charming sidewalk cafe'

A tres' chic woman gazing at a child nearby
as a red ballon floats on by...

A handsome man WALKS up to her.

"Bonjour, Mademoiselle. Je suis, Ian

We ENTER her thoughts, and LISTEN.

***. I'm so nervous!! I can feel a lake pooling in my Jimmy Choos!

The woman fumbles with a translation book for a moment, and then gives the man her best **** look.

"Tres' bien enchante' vous. Je suis, Marylou"

Why am I sweating so much? He'll meet me -- and run away.  I'm going to die alone. Alone, with my cat. Who's going to feed my cat when I'm dead?!

Marylou attempts to distract herself by flipping her long blonde hair, and smiling confidently.

A piece of lint has fallen in her eye -- giving the impression that she's winking at him.

We ENTER the thoughts of IAN.

Did she just give me the look?! She is so winking at me! There!! She just did it again! Okay. Relax. She's going to run away after she meets me. I'm going to end up dying alone. Alone -- with my dog! Who will feed my dog when I'm dead?!

Marylou -- still blinking her eye, "Parlez vous Englais?"

Ian, "Oui! Oui! Yes! Yes, I do I do!!!!"

Marylou,
Oh, Thank God! I'm from New Jersey! My French ***** so bad!

Ian,
*Oh, Thank God! I'm from Australia. My French ***** so bad!
 Jul 2015
N Paul
She loves the feel of good words
And I am full of them tonight.
 Jul 2015
David Ehrgott
Farmer Song

Can you make a chicken duck
I can make a chicken duck
Give me the recipe for that chicken duck
Throw a rock at the chicken's head

Chickens can't duck you stupid head
Now I have a chicken with a bump on it's head
How is any chicken going to ever lay an egg
If the chicken was a chicken with a bump on it's head

Throw it slower this time
Said the man with the red...
Man who owns the chicken
With the bump on it's head

The man threw another rock slower instead
The chicken he ducked and was finally spared
The man shocked the chef when vociferously stating
I THINK I'LL HAVE THE DUCK WITH A SIDE A PATAYDUHS

Can you make a pking duck
I can make a p
king duck
Give me the recipe for that pking duck
Deep fry duck with eyes closed shut

That can't be a p
king duck
A duck can't peek with his eyes closed shut
But if he is sleepy at cockshut
That would be a p*king duck

In the days of Camelot
A king was missing an awful lot
Not a clue had the king until one day
He saw a thief with the loot running far far away

Find me the thief said the king to his men
The knights suited up and found said man
Here is the thief the knight said to the king
Off with his ****** head

Can you make a chicken duck
I can make a chicken duck
Give me the recipe for that chicken duck
Throw a rock at the chicken's head
 Jul 2015
Traveler
She believes in happy things
Invisible beings with fairy wings
Fluttery butterflies make her dance
An endless game of happenstance
Eyes of wonder, transparent soul
The world is cruel but she doesn't know...

She greets me with smiles from ear to ear
To hold her heart I solemnly swear
Gentle touch soothes the soul
In her presence I turn to gold
She holds my restless heart at bay
As she executes her innocent ways...

Her plans get lost in the making
A pouty face when she's faking
Empty cups of invisible tea
Cartoon bandages when she bleeds
Shelves filled with eyes that stare
She loves her tattered teddy bear...

Crayon drawing of sunny skies
She draws me with big wide eyes
Read me a story, she hands me a book
It's past her bedtime but she gives me that look
I tuck her in and read her asleep
And pray my love she'll always keep...
Traveler Tim Jun 30, 2015
 Jun 2015
Vernon Waring
i'm sure she's a terrorist

she drives a stick shift

and wears sensible shoes

and everything she does
arouses my suspicion

she's up there now
in her cluttered apartment
yapping about her congressman
and the debt ceiling

i hear her every sunday
yelling at her tv set
giving attitude to
all those panelists
on the political programs

and someone told me she
sneaks off to the mall
in plaid sneakers
and has four computers
and hides her cats
in shoe boxes
whenever the property manager
comes around

and she always has a smile
for the property manager

i'm on to her and
i have a plan
that involves deadbolt locks
surveillance video
and a bugging device

she's up there now going on
about the governor

give me a break

at least he isn't driving
a stick shift
 Jun 2015
Poetic T
"Slip it in, go on I can take it,*
"Wow,
"Slowly eager ******,

"She groans as a mixture of euphoria and pain,

"Do you want it to the hilt?
"Can you take that much in one go,

"Just push it in slow,
"I can take it I think,

"I ****** it in her, she bleeds a little,
"Who is more excited?
"I pull it out slowly,

"Arrr baby that feels good,
Mmm
"That was deeper then before,

"When can I stick in you,

"We never said we would do that,

"Are you scared,

No....

"I'll only do it once,

"Ok,

"She gets ready,
"I can see the excitement on her face,

"Now don't be a chicken,
"Bgirrk bruk bruk bruk,

"Just get it over,
"But not to the hilt,
"I mean it,
"I think your enjoying this a little to much,

"Ouch,

"Don't be a baby that was barely the tip,
"God is the buzz you felt,

"It hurts, I think I'm going to be sick,
"O' my god,
"What are you doing,
Only once....
Only onc

She smiles as he turns silent,
Cherry red seeped out, and he lay slumped
On the ground, lifeless stained,
What had started as curiosity, as twisted trusting fun.
She had done her first, the one she loved.
Now the next would be just a lunge in the ,
Stomach,
Back,
Life
Draining upon different floors. she had put
It in once and was addicted at the felling
Of putting it in,
Deeper the better not just the tip but to the hilt.
 Jun 2015
poetessa diabolica
There's a lunatic in my mirror.
 Jun 2015
Alan W Jankowski
Grandpa sits in his favorite chair,
Spots his granddaughter and starts to stare,
Whips out his **** and starts to stroke,
He knows it’s his granddaughter he wants to poke,
Calls her over and says, “Pretty please.”
Come on granddaughter get on your knees,
She does as she’s told and ***** him with zest,
Because she knows ****** is best.

Uncle Roy decides to give it a whirl,
He likes to dress his nephew up as a girl,
Likes to see him in silk and lace,
Lipstick and makeup on his face,
Imagining him with heels on his feet,
As he sits there and starts to stroke his meat,
He’d love to put him to the test,
Because he knows ****** is best.

Mother decides to get in on the act,
Her and her son have a special pact,
While her husbands at work she gets in his bed,
Pulls down his pants and starts giving him head,
Son likes his mom dressed up in her lace,
As he shoots his load all over her face,
He knows his mom is better than the rest,
Because he knows ****** is best.

Sister and brother are a special pair,
It’s more than a last name these two share,
Brother Bill can’t believe his luck,
Having a sister that likes to ****,
Says, “Hey Sis, come on over here.”
As he bends her over and takes her rear,
Going at it like animals it becomes a real fuckfest,
Because they both know ****** is best.

Father can’t believe his daughter is so kind,
She’s on her knees as he takes her behind,
She moans and screams and starts to cry,
Says, “Hey Daddy, you’re my kind of guy.”
Daddy tells her ****** is the better way,
It’s a game the whole family can play,
Daddy treats his daughter like an honored guest,
Because they both know ****** is best.

11-27-09b.
Far and away my most read poem, except perhaps my 9-11 Tribute thingy...this poem gets well over 1000 views per month on one ****** story site alone...and yes, it's done with more than a hint of humor...the line "******, a game the whole family can play" is something a friend of mine used to say back in high school...:)
 Jun 2015
Mike Hauser
This girl...
Counts the seconds using minutes
As far as the day is long
She's never been an artist
But still can draw a crowd

She likes pink and purple paisley
Because it goes with everything
Has a bird that speaks Pig Latin
And another one that sings

She bathes out in the moonlight
For an even nightly glow
She never steps on sidewalk cracks
Cause she loves her mother so

She shows up late to parties
So she can greet those first to leave
Takes advice from Sir Paul the knight
Knowing when to Let it be

Her bed is filled with China dolls
Not a one of them the same
She calls them all Sweet Lucy
As she knows no other name

This Girl...
Starts out in the middle
So she's closer to the end
Knowing that when she reaches it
She can start all over again
 Jun 2015
poetessa diabolica
Poet took a grandiose leap of faith,
   amid a big swig of moonbeams
   dabbling toes beyond starry galaxies
Milky Way spun in translations
    Pluto still looked perplexed,
Big Dipper gave a smart **** grimace
    wondering what the hell was
   going on 'neath the stratosphere
   when human beings can't keep
       their heads above ambiguous clouds
            feet  firmly planted on ground,
delving lofty heaven's bliss
     escaping the wrath of hell's fire,
  aggrandizing endless poesy that
absorbs sparks of a universal desire
        never phasing sun's obstinance,
   but, if you believe in poetry
      there's no telling where
        boundless skies will surrender**

...and the man in the moon tilted on his axis in a
    backward's spiral and unabashedly winked
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