People think I'm just a stupid girl who writes more stupid things.
What they don't know it's that the stupid things I write about is in fact my life.
So basically my life it's stupid.

People think I don't care about what they say about me, because what it's not true it's not going to hurt me right?
Wrong, absolutely wrong.
I would like to feel that way every time they tell me something less positive about what I write.
But I don't.
So basically I can't lie about how I feel when I write.

People think love it's true, magnificent and perfect.
You exist to prove that they are wrong.
So basically love it's just a word with legends.

People think that I'm a suicidal girl who hates herself.
What they don't know it's the effort that it takes to pass by another day, breathing, knowing that your life is ****, but still writing.
So basically I don't care about my life, but I care about my poems.

People think they know why I write.
But they don't.
Because none of them would understand that I write to heal myself, I write because it's the only way I can feel alive, they don't understand that.
So basically nobody knows me.

People think they know everything that they need to.
But they don't.
You know why?
Because they don't know me.
They don't know you.
I'm glad they don't, some of them are just stupid people like me right?
So basically the world it's stupid,

And I'm in it.

Maybe we are all lost.
Maybe we lost to this game called life.
Maybe it was meant to be us doing the same mistakes.
Maybe it was my destiny to hurt you.
Maybe I'm not even a human being.
Maybe God didn't listen when I was crying.
Maybe my words were written to provoke something on you.
Maybe I was ordered to lie.
Maybe what's mine was never really mine.
Maybe your eyes were just a drug.
Maybe coffee was not meant for me to drink.
Maybe the alcohol existent in the world was not enough.
Maybe the smoke that I smoked was not that poisonous.
Maybe our meeting wasn't a coincidence.
Maybe I was created to love you.

I.
I,
I can't do anything to change myself.
I,
I have blood running in my veins.
I,
I have dreams.
I,
I have feelings.
I,
I have problems I can't solve.
I cry.
I laugh.
I write.
I'm real.
I'm just one of many.
Just something in the world.
But I'm me and that's what it really matters*.

Three words changed my life.
And no, they weren't "I love you".
Because my life it's not a fairytale not even a movie.
Is simply the reality.
And it's because of that that these words changed my life.
They made me cry,
They made me change.
Change to something better,
Something that doesn't have to be abandoned.
Something that is me now.
Just something.
The worst part of all this it's that it was you who said this words,
The same you that said "I love you" so many times.
The same you that promised things that couldn't do.
But I believed you anyways.
I believed in your words.
Until I forgot them all in that Saturday morning,
With just three words.
"I am going."

Idiot,

I was an idiot,

Idiot,

I'm still an idiot,

Each time more idiot,

Each day more idiot,

Inevitably idiot.

And all this because I love you,

Because even after the **** that you do, I love you.

Because even after you hurt me again and again, I love you.

Now you understand why I'm an idiot?

I don't know how to search for something that I don't know what it is.
I don't know how to pretend feelings that don't exist.
I don't know how to lie to you.
I don't know other way of loving you.
I don't know how to be another person.
I don't know how to stop being empty.
Is that wrong,
Not even knowing my reason to exist?