A sunny day lifts hearts from grief and gloom;
I like the rays of warmth and skies of blue.
But in our words of praise, let’s leave some room
for light cast by the sky of grayish hue.
The even light suffuses everything--
no glare to blind us and no shadows cast.
The clarity that cloudy skies can bring
illuminates a future landscape vast.
A chillier breeze refreshes our attention,
and neutral gray reveals the depth and lines.
The way is clear and acts have more intention;
perception heightened, visible are signs.
Sunny days, for picnics and for beaches--
I’ll take the grey for what the soft light teaches.

So maybe I can say that
I'm "clean" from self harm
because I stopped puncturing my skin
my arms are free from scars


but does it not do the same thing
to trace back old memories
of you and I
and feel the same sting in my stomach?
the same stab from the same type of let down
only this time without a drop of blood for proof of pain

Am I not hurting myself every time I pretend
that I'm okay like this

The scars have healed atop my skin
but the ones within will never get the chance
because every chance that I get to step forward
I take to stay in place,
or in the past
wherever you are still a part of me
and any time where I do not have to close my eyes to have you back

I'll probably end up
wandering on the road
Driving anonymously
Forgotten,
No one checking in,
You being the only
People to know my whereabouts
Unless I decide you too
have stopped caring.

I am aged
Graying
Haggard
Never have been one to stop for
Even less so now.

It drives me mad
this tornado inside
vibrating my heart
palpitating my breaths

It dwindles my body
to a state of trance
within a trance
within a trance

My eyes close
my mouth smiles
have I truly gone mad?

A song plays
it's the soundtrack to my hazy daydreams
the ones that are so good
you could feel them again
you get light-headed
you get dizzy
oh day-dreams, little shots of sweet escapes

My eyes drift
beyond the obvious or even through them
wait, have I been drugged?
My body is feeble, the tornadoes
caused a mess, even Mary Poppins and her perks couldn't fix

Sleepless nights
drowsy days
what a mess indeed
sober work days
intoxicated nights
yet that stupid smile
those silly day dreams
Darling, I think
I have really gone Mad