Po Po wakes up in the middle of the night
She’s scared, her eyes – unusually wide
She checks the gate three times
Until she’s contented that it’s bolted, safe from the outside
When she did that she told my uncle
To always remember so that they’d be guarded from the robbers
You never know if they’re hidden in the rubber trees
All around; it’s so easy to deceive
She has forgotten, that she’s in the present
Her children all grown now
Enough to scare away any plunderer or thief
The area still scattered with rubber trees, but no longer dangerous like it used to be
You see 40 years ago she raised
Nine children on her own, her husband away
Working in the city to provide for the family
It was inevitable; yet she must have still felt lonely
A woman alone, nine children in a tow
She was fearful for their safety
In that time and place – understandably so
She didn’t know what could happen, if she didn’t lock the doors
So every night without fail she did
How scared she must have been
Laying wide awake in bed
Hoping that in the morning, everything would be okay
Just the other day she asked my father
A worried expression, but her words did not falter
Are you doing well, she asked
Reminded of the rough times he had in the past
She has forgotten that in the present
My father runs, successfully, his own business
It is tough sometimes but goes well enough
To provide for me, my mother and brother; he has built a comfortable life for us
The same happened to my father’s siblings
Four brothers, four sisters – all with their own families
When they realised what and why she was asking
I imagined that they all stopped and realised something
“Lao ren chi dai” is what they call it in Mandarin
A common condition for the ageing and elderly
Dementia I realised is what Po Po has
It’s no wonder she has the tendency to forget
This we all accepted easily
Life went on – that is how my family is
Stoic and accepting of whatever happens
Stereotypically Asian? I guess that is how we reacted
What made me sad though was not that she forgot
But that she remembered the bad times, and her thoughts
From those parts of her life are very telling
Of the uneasy and difficult experiences she was reliving
How hard it was for her I will never fully understand
I’m lucky enough to live a life very blessed
But I wish I could shoulder some of her burden and her stress
If that would even help at all; for I cannot prevent what happened back then
~
When she passed, I will never forget
My youngest uncle, his eyes so kind
They teared up, I swear I saw him cry
It was the strongest display of negative emotion I had ever seen
In my short, but whole life of knowing him
This doesn't have the "-" in the title, because it's a personal story.
Both my grandmothers experienced dementia before they passed away. My paternal one, who I affectionately called Po Po (Mandarin for grandmother), lived a difficult life. My father told me that until the very end she kept getting worried about my aunts and uncles – her children. She kept asking if we had any financial troubles or if we needed money. And she was worried about the gates, whether it was locked or not, not just in the night anymore but also in the day. I remember seeing her fiddle with them in the afternoon and wondering what was going on.
I can't imagine the fear she felt then if that was one of the key feelings that was triggered because of her dementia. How lasting was it and how deeply had it impacted her?