i always thought that i didn't need money to have fun
i was foolish once.
higher cheekbones.
higher knowledge.

double penetrated with nostalgia and female empowerment.

Flaxen hair. Green eyes. The most familiar smile I've seen in forever.
I cry when she cries because we were born the same in different lands.

A South Philly Jordan Baker.
The tea is hot.

My inner serpent wants to crawl around your body
Your eyes rolling back into your cerebellum.

Scratchy face
Making my neck and cheeks sparkle and tingle

I want your teeth next to mine.

"I'm not much of a drinker"
My teeth break as I lie through them.

****.
I've known you since I set myself on fire and awakened from the ashes.

Yet I am putting you through the same routine that set me ablaze.

You ignited my soul with perfect hands and eyes and mouth
Overwhelming my senses with light public affection
And deep private care.

Why do I refuse to let myself be loved?

I'm elastic and loose like a worn bracelet.
Yet you make me turn to porcelain because I've never seen anyone with a smile like your's.

I get aroused and frightened by people that look like they were molded by the Gods.

****.
Your smile might just give me an overdose.

"I feel like I'm on drugs when I'm with you."

Crack from your energy.
****** from your ****.
Ecstacy from your lips.
Xanax from your voice.
**** from the lilt of your conversation.
And a cigarette for your nerve.

I'm completely high when I'm around you.
Your hands around my face
Pulling me closer to your lips
Completely transfixed by your energy that exudes pure fame and love.

Where did I find someone as perfect as you?
Yet I reject you because we both know all the damage we'll do
to the psyches that are our mind's houses

You're going to put a hole through it.
But I don't mind.
I never told you how much I enjoy pain.
And I really ******* enjoy you.

"Let's get together and feel alright."
For now.
Why anticipate the future?

Day 51. I didn't check your facebook so I ate Ben & Jerry's to celebrate.
Day 52. I caved and checked your facebook but you've been only adding dudes.
Day 53. I went to our neighborhood bar and a regular said he thought you were gay and I laughed and was like "yaaaassss"
Day 54. There's a certain song that makes me think of you and I'm so mad at myself because its a good song but I can't listen to it without gettig teary because I miss your touch.
Day 55. I had false hope and I saw my replacement's bike out ya house
Dat 56: I bought a ten dollar pack of cigarettes and you came down to the bar and we both couldn't make eye contact because it hurt so bad to look at each other and be attached.
Day 57. I drank myself into nothing.
Day 58. I tried to figure out what I should do about my entire life but I just watched Parks and Reck all day.
Day 59. I broke a glass on purpose because I felt out of control and just wanted my boyfriend back.
Day 60. I never left my bed.
Day 61. I hadn't showered in days and only left my bed once for delivery.
Dat 62. I needed to quote my favorite B.E.E "I know longer know who I am, and feel like the ghost of a total stranger."

Lagavulin and Diet Coke.
I wish I had something to smoke.

Blue eyes and crooked teeth.
My eyes light up when I'm mad.
Even more when you call me bad
girl. She's become such a loner.
And stopped being a stoner.

Isolated in a tiny home.
Still feels like she's not grown.

Broken bed.
I don't want to live but I don't want to be dead.

all at once

He degraded me, badgered me, and would never me kiss him good-night

Blood.
Water.
Oil.

One of us has to rise to the top.
Unless your only fantasy is in the forest.

That forest is now a development for condos.

Day 31. I promised myself I'd stop drinking, but my alcoholism has gotten worse.
Day 32. I was happy that you haven't added any women on facebook.
Day 33. My hands shook all day.
Day 34. You blocked my number.
Day 35. I lost myself in a man I didn't care about.
Day 36. I was so wasted.
Day 37. I had no choice to walk past your house.
Day 38. My cat made me think of you.
Day 39. I thought about stopping going to my neighborhood bar because I didn't want to see you anymore.
Day 40. I excessively brush my teeth.
Day 41. I fell in love with my home town.
Day 42. I depend on my sugar daddy.
Day 43. I started living in my roommate's bed.
Day 44. I still miss you so badly.
Day 45. I grabbed a Lil Kim record from my new guy's roommate.
Day 46. I put on so much make-up that I didn't recognize myself.
Day 47. I heard an inside joke we shared, and you weren't around and I cried.
Day 48. I stopped stalking your social media.
Day 49. I lost a friend.
Day 50. I think I'm going to be okay.

Day 1. I was in complete denial, but I thought about dying.
Day 2. I cleaned my room and it didn't make me feel any better.
Day 3. I cried so ******* the phone with my dad. And it was his birthday.
Day 4. I knew you replaced me.
Day 5. I started thinking about other people.
Day 6. I went out by myself for the first time in my entire life.
Day 7. You asked me out, and I was terrified you were going to leave me again.
Day 8. I heard a song that made me think of you.
Day 9. I saw you at our bar, and it ruined my night.
Day 10. I went home and snuggled with my mom, and she told me that I'm not allowed to say your name anymore.
Day 11. I stayed up for over 24 hours because I didn't want to see you in my dreams.
Day 12. I spent the night with a man who makes me feel like a queen.
Day 13. I watched a black and white movie and the main character looked like you and I didn't cry.
Day 14. I didn't check your facebook.
Day 15. A man gave me $300 just to spend the night with him after we drank scotch.
Day 16. My anger has turned to nothing. I feel nothing about you.
Day 17. I saw you on the street and slowed my stride so I wouldn't cross paths with you.
Day 18. I'm okay. And you're horrible. But I wish you the best.
Day 19. I hate you. What is Valentine's Day without you?
Day 20. I miss you. But I never want to be with you again.
Day 21. Who will I watch Game of Thrones with?
Day 22. The man I've been seeing is so much better at *** than you.
Day 23. I'm so bitter that you replaced me.
Day 24. I can't listen to Alt-J anymore because it makes me cry over you.
Day 25. I wish you would've just stayed and came to Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Day 26. You're welcome for buying you "Life is Strange".
Day 27. It makes me so sad that I won't be able to quote South Park with you anymore.
Day 28. I love you, but I hate you.
Day 29. I fed you popcorn when we saw Star Wars and it felt like we were back together.
Day 30. You've made me feel grief more than any family member has passed.