as a light up my cigarette. I fade away, bit by bit. only inhibited by those around me. merely those fond memories. old portraits left behind. clearly some of the best times in my life. you can ask yourself that. late night chats. the conversations, the tears we shared. all the words exchange. last time I seen you, hmmm I still couldn't see what you mean to me. wrong place, wrong time. There no such thing perfect opportunity. and I was too blind to see advantages. except for the one time we kissed. which was by accident. and the one time we saw each other in that lite will you notice me. We both were preoccupied.

she sits there in the corner.
Gazing upon the bottom of her glass.
The smell a menthol fills the air.
cognac that's her drink, no ice.
he's almost too scared to approach her.
not quite to sure what to say.
not knowing if the time is right.
he lites his Jade.
the smell almond the lite flickers.
her eyes hazel.
the barkeep says to him.
what do you want?
He replies, clearly something I can't afford.
she overhears over the noise.
her smile lights up the room, as she laughs.
what can he afford, in between her sweet giggles.
feels like a rock at the pit of the stomach.
paralyzed, startled at a loss of words.
he starts to feel like one of them Disney characters.
***** or somebody can't quite call it.
he can't quite look her in the eyes.
he orders the same thing.
cognac no chaser.
in the background there is a song playing.
sorta nostalgic yeah unfamiliar to average ears.
The base jumps, the strings hit the g cord.
her hair, cascades over her face.
she approaches the band.
he walks up to her, ever so gently upon her shoulder.
They lock eyes, he opens his mouth as if saw love.
before the first word come out of his mouth.
the lights come on, the clock strikes.
Tick.

my dream is to have my song of a hundred thousand people them knowing every lyric to every song I ever made my dream is to be in the studio every Friday every Saturday morning is that have the hottest beats every day my dream still have my song free style over by hundreds of rappers my dream is to have equity my dream is to get paid something I love to do my dream is to hide away instrumentals outside those four walls tis silence my dream expand the minds of the youth now to the next four generations my dream is to be a part of this culture remembered an acclaimed at some of the legends I see before me everyday my dream the city never acknowledges it is to be one of those that opens the door or walk through that door a pioneer if you will my dream is something has to be something if the world pursues to stop me if you know me is f** I was told don't let no one stop your music so your headphones on put on your favorite song turn off all your lights and drift into your zone for my dream is a dream of anybody that's an artist simply that was work in the gallery and better my craft everyday love you music

a goat encounters a lion. normally the lion sees the goat as food. instead The Lion offers shelter warmth theo goat offered protection awkward that a four-legged hooved animal could protect the queen of the jungle protection together they stood both natural leaders both immature in the ways at the time neither wanted to back down from the other but that's what made it work despite the goats dexterity and natural stubbornness in his ways the lion SAT and ate with the goat. years and years they feast upon the golden ducks they collected at the rivers which they traveled odd as combination is professionals know that that is not even a combination amongst the food chain but fore a while they dined peacefully. the lion roared bloodthirsty the goat while being the loner the leader willfully back down from the lion scenario has a goat beat a lion. The goat couldn't bear the lion parting ways the goat be that as it may just wanted his own way but the goat has to learn sometimes the best win is to back off not every wall is meant to be broken especially that of a lion and her pride so the lion beautiful as ever smirked as if we were the prey and the goat knowingly put his head inside her mouth I'll let you tell it

to my son I love you you're everything to me. you are me will be times in your life. that I should make you prepared for and is times in life I can't prepare you for you are one of the greatest things in my life you changed my life you probably never read this by the time you can I'll be old as dirt and you going to hang around with a fogey I want you to be intelligent strong way I was brought up but it's okay to be a punk sometimes and if he's bigger than you pick something on. That's what I was told to do.at some point you're going to be insecure perfectly normal I want to be there walking to your first class but I missed it don't worry daddy you for help make it the graduation dog you should have been my junior. I know there are something in the world that I've done side obvious that you probably hate me for as will be some things in life I hope you're proud of I want you to know you're my son I remember when you brought me a sweat top with a Superman s on it you first came back from Virginia you weren't even talking yet then I woke up that morning and you looked at me you spoke clearly.now you're walking and running talking like a little freaking oh my god I can't describe it I probably could be the **** of the earth but i will be a backbone needed anyone ever hurt you I'm ready to **** for you I will die for my children my little Simba you know I was calling you Simba before you came out I am called you fat boy which uncle hated it and your other uncle told me you like being called nick better like he knew better in your third uncle I didn't agree with and hold you at the time I was envious there goes that insecurity thing we were talking about I hope you can read this one day and I'll be scared when your 16 steal your own like your dad was does some stupid things life threatening things I know you're my son be careful I was blessed to have great friends even though you may run across some great people you make them respect you and respect their differences and differences of opinion you understand me love you Nicholas your name should have been Jeffrey Dean Jackson but at that moment me and mother had a disagreement and you know how I am such a mother now she said we scream we all scream by to give in she brings me to another point with you you going to be a strong person i proud of our time with you myself going to watch your way blame it on your name going to call your child is for the way you are but it's not childish that's who you are you're not going to take mess with nobody or like being told what to do but you're my son even if I am the only one who understand you be a mama's boy take out that trash be there when she's hurting and tired from working for you for y'all be the man that I want you to be you understand me I regret regret regret the time that I did leave you for my own foolish court so to speak don't think that I didn't love at the time it wasn't your mother it was some things I couldn't handle but you gotta understand I was waiting on you since I was 18 years old and I'm sorry should have been here and Lord knows I can't wait to be able to walk down the street with me and talk I can't wait for our first drink together I can't wait to catch you smoking a blunt I don't want you getting hurt that first time that you fall off your bike I want to be able to pick you up and tell you that you're the best man in this world that you might have competition with that again that goes to who you are cockiness you're going to pick up the confidence you goin to have comes natural you're my son and your mother's baby who thought of Capricorn and Leo can make that. any man would be proud of you or to have you as their son you're going to be strong guy very very strong and again I'm scared of you not for you Nor a sense out of fear. more along the lines of capability. that's not a bad thing in my eyes you'll never fall and there's nothing that you can do that can't be forgiven by me or your mother we do love you and I'm sorry that this moment you're not with me wait till your 21 you'll see exactly how I feel love you Nicholas Dean.

sometimes I think I'll be playing myself reminiscing about everything that happened looking back wondering where I f* ed up at. you know if you take love for granted it doesn't take you something out at younger me. I used to be a fool for deception. now deception prays on me. if we're living a lie I gladly accept my consequences. which means you lying down with someone else. If i said he's not better than me and I'm just hating, envious, jaded. ever so green I envisioned us traveling the world together at one point. this is merely stuff I can't see. so I travel alone looking for mere traces of you the mirror don't even feel the same. out the corner of my eye were like the stars at night. just like that in the cloudy evening nowhere to be found. I've seen the earth move. I've watch sunsets not appreciative of what I had and have not knowing what I've lost, is worth more than any dollar known to man. the next pull of my cigarette fills my lungs I know it's bad for my health but, it makes me feel not even half of what your smile gives me and your goofy *** laugh. punk *** I once wrote a lyric i try and I try.I don't know sometimes the way the Sun light connects with your eyes. it's just something about it I couldn't even describe. we both got lives I live in yours I wish you lived in mine.
dear selfishness,

to the women of my life. Im ashamed to say I've done some things that never should have done. leaving you stranded at the first sign of trouble. not being there when needed at the most. taking you for granted thinking you always be there, how forgetful am I. the times we shared. the time I should have spent. all the gifts given to me foolishly spent as if a young kid with money for the first time. You know that first time you bought you own clothes. my mother would slap me for you. my grandmother would have loved you. I wish you were here my brother speaks of you often. we both wonder where are you hopefully living. miss your punk *** too. don't get f* up you know I love you. I miss the way you subtly flirting with me I'm miss you lying. I respect your ways and failed to recognize the fact you respected mine. all of us have secrets. some of us wish to share more. yeah I'm still selfish in my ways into a matured understand the old cliche goes you never know what you have until you lose it. knowing what I know now we were just Batman and Robin Bonnie and Clyde bye bye blackbird. it's too bad sometimes my mother taught me way better than that. my sister would have disowned me not I'm a little more mature there's no second chance cuz the second hand is broken thus I leave it at that the woman of my life.