Your laughter always reminded me of wind chimes.

Light and airy, soft.

The way I swear it stirred up fairies from their slumber.

I'll never forget the magic in the echo of it in my memory.

I wonder what it must be like to constantly
Degrade your garden,
Neglect your garden,
Give it just enough water to survive
Yet never enough nutrition to thrive,

AND THEN

Still have the ******* audacity to blame the ******* garden
For not producing enough for you.

I love the warmth coming off his palms as they run themselves up my back.

Like hot stones that have sat out all day.

Passion heated like when the sun is at it's peak.

With a love just as bright.

Warm, hot love that I will continue to bask in.

I will sunbathe

Until I melt completely

If I could set you on fire with the flames that fly off my tongue I would
But I think you'd like it too much.
Quite the ******* I've found.

My hatred for you,
A never ending pit of hell.
Sparked from agony and knowing
You've never wished me well.

The devil tries to hide behind your eyes,
But you can see him when you smile.

Is it normal to have old dreams past slosh from side to side in your head?

A sea of old memories that were never real,

Yet you remember them sometimes better than the ones you collected from everyday reality.

Is it normal to have your mind somewhere in space?

Or possibly it fell out and down the drain instead,

Maybe it is sinking to the bottom of the ocean by now.

But seriously,

I don't know where I am.

Walking between worlds.

I feel so spacey.
Like I'm falling and there is nothing to hold onto.

Like there's a cannon ball
Rolling. . . side to side. . . and side to side in my head. . .

Is it all my thoughts that I could never make sense
now condensed?

Weighing me down further into the silent void.

The Emptiness, the stillness, the calm. . .

People talk of these things like they are comforting

But to me I feel like dry bones walking around,

Dead inside both in heart, and in head.

Then in all the misery
A whisper spoke underneath the
Chaotic thoughts,
"What if you were your own savior?"

And that's when my heart
Began to change.

When I see the leaves twirling and dancing along the streets
I can feel my spirit open this car door and spin on the wind with them.

The cry it out method must have
Stemmed from God.

Because you know
They hear the wails
yet they do nothing.

I am never loved
Safely.

There are always conditions upon conditions and expectations that never end.

And there is always at the end of every relationship and every friendship I've ever had,

"You're just too much."

Well ****** take yourself out of my life if you were too pathetic and weak to keep up.

Too scared of the booming thunder..
You cowards.

Pack your bags if you're not ready
To live in the wilderness
Of a mystic's heart
And let her rain beat down
Upon your bare naked skin.

Don't come to me expectating rainbows.

I am ******* darkness
With a fury buried so deep inside
From the constant rejections.

My grief and heartbreak
Have no qualms about
Striking you where you stand
With my raging lightning
And a scream that crackles
Against the sky.

Peace,
Anxiety,
Love,
Anger,
Clarity,
Then I'm back to the fog again.

The anxiety is swelling
But the light is pouring in.
My body on overload,
My heart might explode,
Vibration dancing along my skin,
Shaking off all that I have been.

Stand tall and triumph.
Show them that you don't wear your crown on your head
but on your heart.

Show them that love rules all.

It fell slowly,
By each finger letting go,
One by one.

I had such tightly clasped hands
Holding up my mask
But I realized
It gets you nowhere
Fast.

We'll see how much longer we teeter
On the fake pretences I was upholding.

Will you finally pick up your weight and bring back balance?
Or will we fall together and collapse?

I can't smile at you anymore.
I can't kiss you without my heart cringing.
I can't hug you without flinching.
I don't want you to touch me
Unless you've learned how meet me in all the places you left me behind.
You've been just as selfish as I have
Except the difference is,
You've always known what you were doing.

You lie behind my back,
You cry behind my back,
You become empty
Instead of reach for me
And now I am empty too.

No more accommodation.
No more self sacrifice.
And if that's not enough for you
Well this whole thing never sufficed.

I am completely disatisfied
And yet I've cried behind the smiling mask
Mostly for the fact
That our hands are tied.

I never wanted to raise our little stars seperately,
But they might be better off
Spread out across distances,
Like stars in the night sky.

If you ever cared about me
More than you cared about yourself
If you ever cared more about them,
Then we'd have burned forever
Instead of becoming candle melt.

I won't play a part any longer,
No more masks.
With all that being said,
Let's see how long we last.

You would think nature would have been enough for us.

The way you can stand on a mountaintop and see a sea of clouds,
with tree tops barely showing their tips, like shark fins above water.

Breathtaking the way it is now,
Imagine what it must have been like for our ancestors.
No greater sights to be seen then.

You would have thought nature would have been enough

because it's definitely enough for me.

Sometimes
I really wish that I could just ask God if I can come home now.

I want a man who remembers his Divinity.

In his full spirit, ready to create with me.

I want the woman who has remembered she is a Goddess.

Let me worship them in love and gratitude.

I want people who remember,

With Me,

Who we really are.

I already Am that I am,

Where are those who are?

I can feel you in the air today.

The silence blows through the rifts in my heart.

A gorge eroded from the ache
Of emptiness.

My soul constantly awake now,
With eyes of a newborn
And a heart of a young child.

The mind of a dreamer
Who never sees the ground.

Oh, how I wish
To come back down.

All is elevating
Yet all is falling.

So comes the weight of all wounds
Gone ignored.

A spirit that is ripping,
Achingly torn.

A mind that is breaking
A heart that is sore.

All is elevating
Yet all is falling.

Crumbling underneath
The warrior's calling.

The layers of pain that exist
Are so much deeper than the very
Layers of Earth's crust
Before you get to her core.

So
Much
Pain
That comes and goes.
That never stops
But definitely slows.
Sinking into the quicksand.
Dragging me through and
under the mud.
Buried by the layers
Of it all.

Is there a line that we all draw ourselves somewhere in the sands of time?
Marking the point in your life where, 'just beyond this, is crazy'?

Do you play with yours too?
Balancing, tip-toeing, peeking, backing up and
Running to the edge right before you
Catch yourself on the tip of your toe, to turn around and keep looking down.

The big jump.

Do we all wonder and ask ourselves?

What if?

What if I just did it?
What if I just did the THING?

The scarier thing for me is being stuck, sandwiched on the tightrope between just ******* jumping and never jumping at all.

Always wondering.
Always daydreaming.

Living,
Breathing,
Walking
Regret.

She jump started my heart

and even though

in the process

the connected wires fried,

I will never forget the woman who saved my life.

I was a wonder among them.

They were so used to seeing statues.

Froze.

Like red and green light

Changing poses but still

Making sure we don't

Impose.

Then when one finally decided to

Dance with the rhythm of thier soul

They didn't know what else to do

Other than stare in amazement.

The way we do the stars.

An empath,

A sponge.

I can feel the world's negativity sinking into every little pore I have.

The anxiety and depression drown me.

I wish for the life of me I knew how to wring myself dry.

Sometimes I pretend like the wind
Is a message in a bottle and
that when I whisper my love into a breeze
It will eventually float on to you.

The hatred of the world is so heavy

Yet they know not why.

They destroy and lay fire
From ancient agony
And never allowed expression,
Save for the pyre.

We still fight each other
Instead of the evil heirarchy
Held over our heads.

If you can not look to the sky above
And know Him
Then you will never fathom
The opposition down below.

This is an attack on the freedom
Of your sovereignty.
Of your souls.

Burn through the pain of your ancestors and rise from the ashes.

We need every Phoenix
To set them ablaze.

Time feels slower than usual.

I feel like I'm walking around in a freeze frame.

Everything quiet.
Everything still.

Like the ambience of snowfall
There's a softness in the air.

I realized that day

that I would let love slip through my fingers

every time

before I ever swallowed the knot in my throat

and accepted my pride.

I would set the world on fire

and relish in the burn.

Even if the ashes only bring misery,

watching my painful fire consume everything in it's path

is somehow the only temporary relief you get

from your very small pathetic power trip.

"I am not the person I see reflecting
Back at me
In the mirror of their eyes,"
I whisper to myself...

I am not how they see me.

I am only
How I see myself.

Sometimes I wish your heartbeat
Would tell me the stories you might have forgotten.
Things that slipped your mind
Or
Pieces of your life that haven't been mentioned just yet,
So I could have a bedtime story
Lull me to sleep
In replacement of the thumping instead.

"Withering rose,

Oh why do you lose your petals?"

"My petals, are tears that weep for him.
Like layers of myself that peel and die
In the wait
Of aching time.

I dry up for I am not watered.
I sink and rot
In my absence of his memory.
He has forgotten me."

How do I write about a restless heart's
Simple plight?

So, so simple.

I only ask that you join me
In connection to the Light.

I hear a lofty siren's song that often calls to me.

A voice that sings like fae in Spring.

A voice that sounds like Destiny.

Even though I hear it ring,
Somehow I know,
This goes beyond the sea.

To stars far away,
Other world's the human eyes may
Have never seen.

Angelic tones, calling home
My aching soul.

I take small shy footsteps,
Come what may.
Let's hope trying to be brave,
Leads the way.

Sometimes when I'm admiring the night,
With eyes that feel like I'm forever
Gazing,
I wish in those moments
the world would just suddenly
Flip,
Like a coin on its head,
Completely
Losing gravity
As my body lifts off the ground
Gracefully plunging into the stars.
Free falling,
My heart surrendering
To you,
The universe,

Take me.

When I grew up
I realized that none of us have a clue on
How to navigate these
Unknown waters.

When I grew up,

I looked around and saw
That everyone is still learning how to get their land legs
When we've finally run ashore.

When I grew up,
I started listening
And I noticed
Everyone has their own kraken stories;
Of monsters they have not
Yet laid to rest.

We're all just swashbucklers
And thieves
Still trying to learn to
Navigate the seas.

I feel like I'm soaking into the All
Of all there is.

Particle by particle
Dissipating into a piece of
Each individual clump of matter.

Oneness
In the art
Of
Being.