the terrarium that encloses me
has many foreign obstacles
some with sharp exteriors
others with bright, welcoming colors
the glass walls allow me to see outside
there is an illusion that i am safe inside
able to grow over time
when really
i am stuck
watching the world spin around me

your eyes
are a pool of honey
that i could float in
forever

being around you
is easily
one of the best
feelings
in the world
but when we are apart
it physically hurts me
how
do i live my life
without you
constantly
by my side?
how do i
fulfill
my hopes and dreams
without molding
you
into them?
how do i make it
hurt
less?

*******.

today i cried over a salad
as i tried to do something nice
a simple gesture of holding the door open
for a complete stranger
i lost grip
as my overpriced lunch launched out of my hand
my anxiety came and took it's place
the stranger walked through the door i held open
and left me to clean up
the mess i made

i wish you did not have so much power over me
i don’t want to feel unsure
i want to be confident in my actions
but you take
every shred of dignity
i once had
and
continuously beat me
until i am on the ground
unconscious
unable to beg for mercy
unable to pick myself up again
i wish you did not have so much power over me
instead
i wish i had the power
to make it all go away