I don’t think depressive thoughts
I think November thoughts
Which string me up in circles
Like old fish-hooks
And which are a beautifully implacable shade of grey,
As fleetingly preoccupied as candyfloss skies
I think November thoughts
Which sometimes bear me gold
But frost with self-centred cynicism
And waltz like raindrops, trying to be romantic
I think November thoughts
Which are tired and wearing thin
Nostalgic for their future.
Not quite December
But too old for June.

If the sky itself could break
And the moon could fall out of it
I would hold it on my palms
And wring the colour out of it
Never for a moment believing
That it could not make its own light

You tricked me
Made me believe there was something
Yet, here I am
With no light to guide me
Feeling like nothing
I loved you, still do
But something's changed in you

I thought you were a lighthouse
Out of reach, maybe
But guiding me to safety...
Turns out you were the wind
Causing waves of hurt
To crash over me

Now the light has dimmed
And I can't find my way
Not without you
But you led me astray
I'm drowning, dying,
I can't breathe
And "I'm sorry" was all you had to say

I don't need you
I've seen others sail on their own
How hard can it be?
But my muscles are weak
My lungs are filling with salt
That spills out of my eyes
I can't do this alone

But that's how you've left me
To fare the dreadful ocean waves
With a broken sail and no mast
Joining lost souls in watery graves
Because your bright light never shone past

You're dead inside
I see it now, clear as the light
You stole from me
There was no lighthouse,
Just me, chasing after a dream
That I didn't really need
And now there's only darkness
As far as I can see