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Tortured people tell themselves the past never happened.
They sit and reminisce about memories that they created.

Their hands are brown and worn down,
looking like a sibling of the ground that will eventually be a tomb for their bodies.

The teeth are fake and so are the smiles.
Hair falls off like rusty leaves brushed by a breeze, warning of the death of winter.
Limbs turn into string, ******* hang, and guts grow; like pregnant, stray cats.

Whenever they die, their houses will be eaten by their children, and not even a piece of gristle or a picture frame will be left.

The house will be nothing but a sun-dried ribcage:
a discarded postcard with the address marked out.

The children will sit and talk of their parents, repressing the abuse and the inability to meet expectations.

The children will work in sterile cubicles, thankful that their hands will not be stamped by calluses, yet knowing their fathers would not approve.

The children will open up the dust-blanketed boxes and stare at old family pictures, not able to recognize the people who smile and have perfect posture.

The children will lay in bed with their spouses and say, to no one in particular,
'Why was it never enough?
What did I do?

Was it me?'

The children will be tortured by these words,
by lives that weren't in technicolor,
by the paranoia of being tolerated instead of liked,
by the anxiety that a paid-off house
and nice car couldn't alleviate,
by themselves.

The children will retire and will have realized that they worked their entire lives just to enjoy ten years.
Their hair follicles will let go of strands and locks,
like a dandelion being stripped by the wind.

The enamel on their teeth will corrode and, before long, they will be thankful for the sensitivity of their teeth because the coldness of senior-citizen-discounted ice cream will be one of the few things they will be able to feel, let alone put a genuine smile on their face.

They will sit on their recliners, stare at their keyboard-kissed fingers and tell themselves the past never happened.

Because that's what tortured people do.
Ashland, Wisconsin
 Sep 2015 Catalina H Gonzalez
fdg
I wish I was drinking.
Sometimes I wish I was drunk all the time
But I hardly drink at all and besides,
I'd never have the company and drinking alone is just sad at my age.
When I'm drunk I usually drunk text you and right now I'm exhausted from loving you so much and not having as many reasons to love myself.
I think I want to cry but I'm not sure why. And when I think I'm making friends the next day they take my seat and push me out of the row and I sat by myself today in a room with more than 100 people in it and no one even eats with me and thank god i like eating alone. I think I'm pitied and I don't know why
I think I must be the problem,
Because I feel like there's something wrong with me
But I don't know what it is.

I give too much of myself away and
I don't think I'll ever learn how to stop.

Anyway, I'm going to walk in the dark by myself to go buy something I can ******* smoke
If you have a drink, I need one
I want to fall in love with you.
Not for the happily ever after but for the turmoil
and the pain
for the ability to sit
by your side and say
those three special words
for all that you are
because I enjoy your trials and tribulations
your angst and anger
your sorrow and sublime guilt
your tears on my shoulder and your arms around me
your sobs wracking my body
I want to fall in love with you
because isn't loving
something broken the most
beautiful
kind of love?
I want to love you like someone would a bird
caged but beautiful
wings clipped so you can only fly sort distances from me
I want to love you
for your dependence and
depression
I want to love you because
I want to love myself
But I can't...
the hurt and the pain
tied to my heart
like a ball and chain.
the scars on my heart
are the initials of your name
you gave me the love
that taught me the pain
now i'll never be the same.
The pain behind your eyes
Tells a story that could never lie
That feeling of being lost
But wanting to be found
Intimidated and vulnerable
Tired of being pushed around
Confused and torn
At having a second chance
An opportunity to choose
When it's safer with nothing to lose
Picking up the pieces seems an impossible task
To find someone true
To trust
Not hiding behind a mask
I can see the pain behind your eyes
It isn't hidden very well
Sometimes to get to heaven
You gotta go thru hell
I'll never have you by hello.
I'll never sweep you off your feet.
Just sip me slowly
like a late night glass of wine.


because this potions got me thinking
we could be made for this.
when I found you out
for the fake you are
something shattered...
My image of you
when it fell
off the highest shelf
in my head.
Never thought to reach out
for a cup half empty.

Looking down
I see you a thousand times.
I see you a thousand ways.
I see your thousand crimes
in pieces of glass,
floating in their contents.
For the very first time,
superglue won't do.
Running from anything
that lives,
breathes

she wandered the street.
barefoot,
blistered.

Her knees became weak
gravel piercing skin,
bleeding sadness.

her head
left hanging
on a question...
(?)
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