poetry
it is the way the pen taps at an anxious hand
waiting for the words to catch up to emotions
your head unscrewed at the top
your thoughts dribbling down your cheeks
in droplets onto paper

ink flows with ease
when flowers blossom in your mind
reaching their way through your chest
or
when your heart is clenched so tightly
to keep from shattering

i sit here empty
sunken eyes
cracked fingers trace paper
and i am uncomfortably numb

evil has looked back at me
razors down my back
i’ve felt the sun on my mind
a heart of healed cracks

i cursed the past
tried something new
and i managed somehow to live
without holding you

tonight simply i’m nothing
blank as the page before me
i hope that soon
the universe hands me
a bouquet of life
a handful of seeds
that i can plant as new thoughts

i need something

is there such thing
as a happy poet

"the storm won't last forever"* they always told her
anxiety grew with age, for she was the chaos on the ocean
she was the storm for all that it **was

you are talking
you are crying
and you are wishing
i was there

i am sitting
i am watching
and of the matter
i am aware

but im stuck
inside this body
that cannot convince itself
to care

theres a melancholy in the room
a blackness to his stare
letting me know
that he is not completely there

there was always something about my life,
in a way that it wasn't my own.
loss is just another thing waiting outside the door

you should never look to a parent
and see nothing in their eyes
its terrifying that we're all just tearing out each other's insides

i'm waiting for life to come
but this "life" is in my way
it's not my own
it waiting for what someone else will say

and for me theres just no future
just your own in your narrow eyes
those empty threats aren't words anymore
because death isn't a lie

i've been beating my head against the door
because you were waiting to leave
i felt the pain more
because it was wrong and all that i could see

heartbreak seeping down the walls
sweat and tears left on the sheets
and i'm here left waiting
this life isn't up to me

in someway i can't wait to go
but it tears me apart to leave
destructive love turned to tears
i'm blind and i can't breath

he was static electricity, room illuminated when he was near
welcoming coffee eyes, his laughter was all i could hear
warm fingers trace my veins, he made me want to be better
home was in his arms, please, lets just lay here forever

he had a mind like the oceans, mine still so small
he was the world, i was nothing at all
he outgrew me like a favorite pair of shoes
he had ships left to sale, but to me he was all i knew