Stuck in the catacombs
   of surreality  
dragons breathing fire
      in my brain stem
scripted as previews'
     diabolical graffiti
of cancerous breath's
      gray radioactivation
written on the walls of
   mindless chatter's rancor

your demeanor

   is highly suspect,

attempting to disguise

malfeasance neath a heart

    of fortified wrought iron,

Machiavellian by nature

  still, you have your wily ways

   like that of the allure of roses

       within prickling thorns,

  twisted of laughable

         frivolous superficiality

      and reckoning's  bereavement

Regretting Some Past Mistakes
Realizing what's actually At stake
Feeling so helpless and confused
So many memories of your abuse
Screaming, kicking, punching
Just too much fighting
You always knew the best ways to hurt me
Now you wanna take away what means everything
Like your final play to torture me
For eternity
What right do you have to judge me?
To look down upon me?
I am only all that you've made of me
This so called monster that you love to hate
Is just the manifestation of what you helped create
You WILL regret this
In the end, you will lose
I won't let you win, not again
They'll realize what you're trying to do
Remembering the years of abuse
And they'll HATE you
You can never destroy a mother's love
Although I know you're willing to try
When I win this battle for what I hold dear
Don't come crawling to me with tears in your eyes
Cause I won't be here

This will not break me
I may posses a wooden heart
Which bobs along through tempest
And calm
But you'll never find me wrecked on the bottom
Weighed down
Fighting for air

i asked you if we could maybe just stay
like this a few days or spend forever
sitting on the roof of a camping pavilion
with water on my cheeks running from
my eyes & you told me to never cut my hair

we are above the surface of the earth
green & magenta in all directions & your daughter
whooping for joy below us dancing in softness
at the bright fire's edges always unfolding
she is your personal blossom & i'm
pulling the yellow ribbon from your hair
with my sunset teeth while your eyes
send me signs of warning

but our souls cannot resist each other since
i came back from snowy colorado
after learning all my mistakes in a single year
& that night we escaped your mother's
cigarette breath and found shapes in the clouds
like an elf looking closely maybe sniffing at a flower
as your daughter giggling swam naked in the river

today we're pushing boats across brown water glistening
in the sun & sweat droplets collect individually
on my chest & your daughter's forehead but you're
wearing a crown made of vines & wild roses
& absolutely smitten with love glowing in
sepia tones shaking a tambourine

we drifted along until the sky peeled back
& we're carried into wildness by the
fragrance of fungus & mud as we struggle
under the long tarp against the premonition of rain
while she chases invisible fireflies the fresh
curls you put in her head begin to wilt under the
weight of gravity & the afternoon sun at the
wet edge of the river it's near sunset & i'm
kissing your knuckles nibbling on nourishing
sweat & fingernail polish

that night after she went to sleep we stayed up
drinking whisky warm discussing liars
& lucid dreams & my desire + inability to grow a beard
as she snored a raw spring wind rattled our tent
& my body began to turn against itself stomach
decided to see what i was really made of & you
were at my back convincing me to stay open just
breathe & be myself telling me i'm not a criminal

this morning i awoke desperately clutching you
spinning on a new earth red-eyed & suntanned
dream-caressed & with morning trash breath but
i know your hands & feet become hypersensitive
just before waking so i'm burrowing under bundles
of clothes to find your curly cues smelling
like new pine needles & cotton

after breakfast you're lost in meditation over
the magic of this little girl dancing again around us
glittered mouth widening into a grin beside the river
we're sitting close together on a sandy beach
blindfolded by the magnificent sun rising
in an acidic orange sky with your gentle hand
at the back of my neck under a tree

& i'm focused on a spider
suspended shining in the light not accosted by skyline
thoughts & the murmurs of distant traffic
instead unraveling new wet silk against
the glare of sunstruck aluminum

Blue petal skin folding inward
A shivering self embrace
Trembling shoulders
and small cool notches
Freckled spine lingering
Beneath pale raised rivets
Scarlet fingernails rest for now
Having clawed at the neck
Never quite comfortable with how
She’s gotten bone deep
Unreachable
Asleep
Tucked within the marrow
Hibernating
Perhaps until spring