It finally starts getting better. Context : when i left my resting place at the station i was grabbing my backpack and noticed 3 small spiders/ants on the top of the bag, immediate decision making time, brush them off (possibly injuring them and thus myself in the process), get a page from my notebook and try to lift them off the bag back onto the home ground (i felt lazy so didnt do this either) let it flow and let them live their own risks for getting in contact with me (this is the option i took). Tried to be careful when putting the bag on. got on train and recorded my previous poems from that day. Eyes closed thinking paranoid ego thoughts while trying to listen to music when all of a sudden i feel the touch on my left elbow, open eyes and look down, guess what it was one of the spiders/ants, it felt lovely and the physical sensation was totally unexpected and beautiful and snapped me out of my thought pattern, i mindfully didnt brush him off but saw him on my tshirt and the point where it intersected with my headphones wire, closed my eyes and tried to relax, was working, next thing he was just behind my left ear, raised my fingers to it but he didnt jump on board, then felt him again and did the same, then he went somewhere else and i lost contact (later i would wonder where his friends were and if all 3 sacrificed their home and maybe lives for me just because i was lazy? or would the one who survived in the new home of the train or where ever be ok?) Anyways i made it to my destination and met my friends who are getting married and their family and am happy to say have only had one or two paranoid thoughts since arriving so things are busy but ok, things are looking up and i havent been able to write any poetry since so might be quiet for a few days, cheers for reading