If I hold this mug of tea tight enough, it mimics your touch and the feel of your warm skin against mine. When I press it to my lips and drink it deep I can remember me breathing in the kisses and lies you poured down my throat and I'll not sip gently I will gulp it all down in the hopes that it could somehow keep you in my mouth. But I hold onto this mug that is warm like you, and I hold on for too long and find it burns my skin and my throat and tongue. It blisters my fingers and boils my lips when I try to touch it, when I try to love it. Just like you did.

I guess you could call it poetic how by the age of 12 I had no recollection of what happiness tasted like on my tongue. Some would say it was tragically beautiful.
But it was not poetic, nor was it beautiful,  but it was tragic. It was so very, very sad, and that sadness is only doubled now that people see sorrow as glorious.  It is not glorious. It is not strength. It is a lump of iron in your chest and stomach and it eats you from the inside, out and you have no right to think that blood stained wrists are anything other than tragic. So very,  very tragic.

Softly outlining my hand with your gentle fingertips
Released a thousand butterflies in my stomach.

Every time someone asks me if we are together
A huge smile spreads across my face
and I cant help it.

No wonder no one believes me
when i say we aren't.

Collaboration with Jack

Where oceans dance on sleepy shores,
glistening beneath crescent moon breaths,
counting star drop secrets on charcoal skies
I stare at a horizon, a single shadowed line.... waiting

Into the depth of the distance, my thoughts drift
I know they will find their way somehow
I'll remain here, the closest point to you
my time, my freedom, I no longer wish to be my own

Cast upon these harmonic waves, my desires,
whispered into a sea breeze of flowing dreams,
Become one with a metronomic tide of needed current
seeking a path to your perfect heart and I breathe...slowly

Thoughts and desires now run free, seeking their destiny
the direction, always known to them, yet hindered
a moving course across the ocean, the destination, always you
wistfulness and impatient dreams will become a reality

And of this reality, these distant shores, we shall be together...
not of sun drenched morning awakenings,
nor a midnight sky of watchful eyes,
but of one love on a tireless journey, far beyond every horizon ....eternally

I shall never admit
that all of my breaths
and heartbeats
are meant
only for you

I shall never admit
that all of my stars
and galaxies
I've saved
only for you

I shall never admit
that I've spent sleepless nights
leaving my whispers and tears
on my pillow
only for you

I shall never admit
that I was often speechless
while my knees, so restless,
buckled
only for you

I shall never admit
that for days I dreamed awake
and countless verses
I made
only for you

I shall never admit
that I will write, eternally
that this heart will bleed, internally
hopelessly
only for you
*my love