It's funny.
Innocence turns into tragedy within
Seconds.
Lighthearts and laughter
Turns into despair and quiet
Outraged sobbing.
What seemed so harmless
So serene and so happy
Ends with hands shaking and
Tears down children's faces.
A Christmas party turned evil.
A harmless cookie chewed by a 5th grader
Becomes lodged in his throat and
He struggles to breathe.
His face turns colors one only sees
In rainbows after the rain.
But the way I see it;
It' not going to stop raining for a long time.
The little boy,
The same age as my own brother,
Dies in the hospital.
His innocence taken from him just like that.
And I cant help  but think about his parents.
The Christmas presents they have to return,
The grief they feel as they tell their family that their little boy didnt make it.
Or about the little boy my brother is friends with.
The one at the party who didn't go to school yesterday.
The one who made the kid laugh.
The one who was so funny, made the kid choke on
a cookie and die.
I feel so much for these people.
How do you console an 11 year old who has witnessed death?
How do you not cry because you think,
That could have been
My brother...
The answer is- you can't.
That innocence is gone
And it can never come back.

I send all my hopes and prayers and condolences to his family and friends and everyone who knew him and was involved.
RIP A.W.

Tell. me you love me again.
As you run your fingers through my hair.
While touching your temples with my pen.
As I touch yours with new born grace.

Once kisses of power.
My heart was devoured.
Blood flow blue.
Royal blue my lord.

I shall write my words for you.
As I write my words for all and sundry.

The girl whose heart turned cold and blue.
In a mismatch of a hotchpotch.
Of gobbledygook mistaken.
On a crisp cold winters day.

She begs for nothing.
Nothing at all.
Perhaps pride came before her fall.
Her fall from grace entirely dropped.
Discarded in dreams puddles.

Her poems now extended.
Too many months descended.
To put my words in consonants and vowels.
To fill the cracks with trowels.
No, not mine you fool.

Words are my nourishment.
Sometimes my punishment.
As the book of revelations.
I lay open.
Not signalling Armageddon.
Nor the end of my world.
Without you!
By ladylivvi1

© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)

We've been **** so long,
our clothes itch when we're dressed.
We've been in thought so long,
it feels strange to speak.
We've been smoking too long,
to stay sober during the day.
We've been numb for so long,
it seems foolish to worry.
We've been absent-minded for too long,
to have reason enough to reason with.
We've been awake so long,
we don't have to sleep to dream.
We've been fighting so long,
we don't know if peace exists.
We've been dancing so long
that our toes twitch while we lay.

They forgot to tell you it's not always easy,
that just because the ocean seems so
calm at night
doesn't mean it doesn't ache
for morning.
They forgot to tell you it takes time,
that weeks may feel like hours
and months may feel like years.
That it only grows deeper in patience
and stronger in absence.
They forgot to tell you it speaks louder
in silence than it ever could in words,
that it listens closer when my hands
talk to yours,
that it lives inside your bones,
and not inside your heart.
They forgot to tell you it makes you
weak at the knees,
and strong in the head.
That it can fill every broken crack,
and heal every open wound.
They forgot to tell you it will leave scars.
They forgot to tell you that you can
give it all away without ever having
it given back to you.
They forgot to tell you that is okay.
They forgot to tell you that memories
don't fade away.
They forgot to tell you that it hurts.
They forgot to tell you what it means.
I'm here to tell you that it's worth it.
I'm here to tell you that you're worth it.

Afraid to write- some real feelings might surface.
Even if you accept it, I might not be able to write back.
With my obscene depression and an emptiness of guilt,
Reassuring you to never putting trust in my hands,
Don’t get me wrong, I want you more than anything.
Thinkin bout you every evenin’.
You slowly forget me with memories every now and then.

I’m slowly forgetting how to write,
Just like every Buddhist nightmare
My temples are caving in.
Fingertips relying on the flow rather than the knowledge,
Once an unknown rock is placed,
All my memories are re faced.
Satans eyes are on me
He’s realizing gods guard is no longer with me,
It’s not worth the lies,
It’s not worth the guilt,
Above the clouds yet my mind is so clear.
With nonsense in my plane and no one to steer.
Cabin shaking is just my memories shivering,
Nightmares to my mother,
I never wanted to see her quivering.
Times are hard but the life is tough.
Fighting through weeds with my two inch sword,
Never wanted to smoke yet I’ve never craved it more.
Someone help me cause I’m never making it through.
A doctor can understand but I need a therapist to get me.
Even though I’d never tell her anything because who is she?
She got secrets, she never speaks.
Although mine are straight from the fires and hers from the smoke.
Realizing you’re looking down on me like white folks.
Never wanted this for my family but its a curse disguised as a blessing,
Something they’ll never understand.
Fighting my demons even though I know they’ll never leave me.
You’ll never see me talk about how I feel without a rhyme at the end,
I’d just be speaking gibberish without a message to send.
I know I’m crazy but ill never admit it,
Never pay for classes,
I don’t want your visits.
Learning to cope with my disabilities
So I’m dealing with you.
Learning to never underestimate your enemies
So I’m measuring you.
I’m slowly forgetting how to write,
Just like every Buddhist nightmare
My temples are caving in.
Fingertips relying on the flow rather than the knowledge,
My demons play well with yours so I guess that’s a bonus.
Relying on myself, no trust is given,
Fighting your myths, truth be tellin’.
I’ll never understand your intention, pray for me in heaven.
I find it hard to summon the world,
With the sickness on my mind and the lifted virtues in my soul.
Thinking my flows quicker than ocean rapids gives you a higher IQ.
And if you’re just saying that to make me smile then I thank you.
Many people in this world underestimate the righteousness of us.
Thinking you’re born evil is dissing the beauty of a child,
Rather than acknowledging and accepting his smile.
The warmth that fills the heart when she says daddy as you walk though the door,
Or the tears that overflow your eyes when he never comes back from the store.
I understand these problems because my dreams consist of your life.
So before you call me a liar,
Understand my trials,
My deep realization,
I’m the only one unlike a choir.
Listen to your heart and to this rap.
They both beat for you.
One keeps you alive and the other makes it worth it.
The beat of a drum and the snare of a set tell you you’re not worthless.
Understand your weaknesses and they will become deep,
Redefine your intelligence and it will become the thing that keeps
You out of harm and boosts your wisdom to become a great man.
Wars greater than the world occur inside your mind when they slowly unfold.
Never really  understanding anything except why you’re sad,
Facing your consequences earns back your title of being a man.
I’m slowly forgetting how to write.
Just like every Buddhist nightmare,
My temples are caving in.
Fingertips relying on the flow rather than the knowledge,
Listen to these flows, you got it

Unfortunately, the sun does set at night
and I am no longer able to see your face in the sunlight.
As I reach out my hands to find your cheeks
silk honey skin greets me.
You open your eyes and I see them perfectly.
They're blue like water that has frozen over
I see myself drifting away in the seas chillingly.

Sweetheart, don't leave the bed tonight.
Lose yourself in the sheets
and drown in all the oversized blankets.
It's too cold outside to be alone this time.

It's 10 pm and I want to stay here forever
I will not grow tired of you
It is not possible, you see I smile all the time when you're near.
Let's grow old to the grey,
Never let this get boring.
But for now, sleep with me here until the morning

Its hard not to stare
after being so close
the rush of heat that courses through me after a touch
Its hard being in the absence of abstinence.
Looking at the one next to me, I can feel my eyes changing.
You have my attention, and his is fading.
Knowing its wrong
touching you in the shadow looking for an excuse to feel right.
How can we have these ties, that bind both our hands so tight.
I think about our bodies
So elegantly intertwined
I think about the sinking feeling
of leaving another behind.
What is it to be human
and how do we move forward.
Cannot find love in lies
and I do not want to watch it die.
I hold the knife.