Sensory awareness;
fold of translucent light through thin blue sheets.
Faint scent of tobacco smoke -
morning reveals the desolation of yesterday.
Coping mechanisms galore!
Scene of poetry without a purpose,
scene of black holes in red carpet,
scene of high moons by the windowsill
and always feeling low, half-****** on Zopiclone,
how I once slept full, breathed from the diaphragm,
dreamed with ease - but that was so long ago.

Slept-in sheets, weeks of cold sweats
and takeaway pizza eaten in bed.
12 hour days on minimum wage,
I feel like a gardener on his last legs-
a garden to be tended to,
a garden that grows all around me.
The incense tray is full, synthetic Jasmine,
putrid Lemon-grass bought from the Pound Saver
solely to talk to the attractive Hungarian woman
behind the counter.
It's a working day and my mind is in disarray;
the sheets are too heavy, I'm a little hungover
and I've been going insane.

Half-an-hour to be showered, bowels emptied;
eyeballs removed - or whatever it is people do
to get themselves ready for the day.
It's a scene of kicking out in dead-water,
it's a scene of black holes and being human,
it's a scene of fear for the present day,
so much so you cannot build for a future.
Half-an-hour to be showered and out of the door,
half-an-hour to be someone I'm not-
well... I've had to fake it all before.

.
Memories are shuttered—
In the out of doors closing,
For five eternal years we were,
Once married beside a church,
Beside a tomb.

And our hearts were simple, freed
Among the moss of grey stones,
Pebble beach and wayfare wishes
And wild doves seemed always
To be hovering.

And our only bed, growing ever
Cold as a cup of leftover wine—
We drank in sacramental prayers
Never uttered, never declared,
After all that was.

As it was after all, only—
A mere, makeshift dream.

Sands drain on a onyx scythe, like tears of time,
But only life will bleed in form, your moments
Flicker like everyone before, I seek your vision
As my blank stare corrodes your breath.

I can play tricks with your moment, linger those
Seconds, cautious beats of a time. Like kings and
Beggars before I will take what is owed ever ounce
Of numbed essence now yours sands are mine.

Each grain dropped, my scythe will taste your
Soul, and all that will fall is a wilted form. presumption
Was misinformed that this wasn't mine to be given,
You are a vessel of grains and your just ran out.

They say
    fight for your
    country
fight for peace
But as they fight
for peace they
    slowly
       turn
          into
            the
          enemy

A year ago today I woke up.
And for the first time in years
The sun rose,
Its rays blinding me,
Not with helplessness
But with hope.
I stretched and the sadness slipped away
As the anxiety evaporated in the morning heat.

A year ago today I saw the world for the first time
All its bright lights and smiling faces.
I saw how wonderful it was to be alive.
I stood in the centre of the world
Consuming the beauty,
Breathing in the wonder.
To think I could've stayed asleep
And been oblivious to this place.

A year ago today I breathed a sigh of relief.
It had gone.
There was no longer a black hole within my heart,
Destroying my happiness.

Oh my god it is wonderful to be alive.

A year ago today I woke up.
And I smiled.
It was over at last.

It was written in the sand
But the sea washed it away.
It was written on the cliffs
But they crumbled day by day.
It was written on the sun
But the clouds did claim the sky.
And then we wrote it in our hearts
So that it will never die.