the paper house is blowing away
with the winds of confrontation
the paper people tear and reform
their hands no longer connected
the wars are now in the form of words
and silences

we used to watch these lives on t.v.
never thought they would happen to me
but the hurricane approaches and paper houses fall down
i will have to build myself up from the ground
but i don't have the glue or the scissors
or even the paper people to fix
so i'll sit in this corner and watch the parade
nobody thought it would end up this way

this emptiness still smells of you.

you are wrigley's spearmint
and a little bit of sweat
you are white and grey
black and blue
you are a big slice of pizza
(the butter is mine)
you are envelopes
and hershey's
long fingers
small nose
birthmarks
and flaws
you are violence and forgiveness
pain and discomfort
warmth and silence
hurt
you are hurt

you are a memory
a moment
an association unlimited by time
perhaps this world will always be littered
with reminders of when you were mine

dear god,
you were introduced to me as kind, forgiving, generous. whenever i made a mistake, i didn't feel the need to come apologize to you because i thought you'd know it was a mistake and forgive me. not once in my life have i gone out of my way to hurt anyone. any pain i may have caused anyone was unintentional. like the way i broke my sister's arm- i didn't mean it. we were playing. my parents may not have understood that, but i knew you would understand because you were always- you have always been- my best friend.
i am eighteen now and i've made more mistakes than i can count. these mistakes didn't hurt anyone but myself. i made bad decisions out of vulnerability, desire, fear. and i thought you'd understand. i stayed up a few nights explaining to you exactly what happened (you were there though, so i probably didn't even need to do that). i ******* up, i didn't mean to hurt anyone. i swear to god. i mean, i swear to you.
but recently i'm being told by everyone around me that i need to repent and beg for forgiveness. god, i don't understand. why would i say sorry to you for my mistake? you created me. you knew i was made to make mistakes. if you wanted me to be perfect, you would have made me so. but you didn't. i've always come to you in times of need, in times of confusion and pain. you have guided me, i have trusted you, you told my secrets to no one.
why now, must i beg for forgiveness? you know me better than i know myself. you know i have always sacrificed myself for those i love, i never wanted anyone to hurt.
i am lying here with a broken heart and a the words are twisting in throat. my stomach is on fire and every breath is a struggle. i am thankful that i do not need to speak for you to hear me. god, tell me this, why must i beg for forgiveness when i know that you have forgiven me? i know you have forgiven me for being human. you made me human in the first place.
other humans will not forgive me.
you will. you always have.

please help me understand.
regards,
your human.

"You're crazy baby"
He held my face in his hands
He kissed me and said
"You're not going anywhere"
He kissed me like he needed me
And he ****** me like it was the last time-
Every time

"You're crazy baby"
He loved me through his wickedness
Through his lies, through his cheating nights
"You're not going anywhere"
He loved me in the only way he understood
We loved and lied like Kennedy and Marilyn

"You're crazy baby"
He would yell, as he moved like fire through the house
Destroyed my sense of security and my sanity
His favorite wall paper was his fist through the sheet rock
"You're not going anywhere"
He was a **** fool
"You're crazy baby"
I finally yelled back
He ruined what could have been a masterpiece
And it will be his worst regret
"You're not going anywhere"
I finally realized
He will forever be trapped in this hole

And I was **** right.. he never did make it anywhere

yesterday i caught myself buying iced coffee
anyone who knows me knows that i like my coffee hot
anyone who knows you knows that you do not

my playlist looks like a walk down your memory lane

you frustrate me in more ways than one
i can't decide if you are a curse or a blessing

i used to know a boy who said the same about me
he stopped putting milk in his coffee because that's how i take mine;
black

i think i love you as much as he loved me

i think the world would be a better place if we all just drank the coffee that we like
coffee is not a substitute for love
i forget that sometimes

i stay loyal to you even in another man's arms

**** iced coffee