Why do I stay?
Because this is all I know
I've only seen a sky with a storm
And the sun burns me
His touch
It burned me at first
But the fire began to eat me
Until I knew nothing
Except bones and ash
I am bones and ash
I am empty
I am giving him everything I have
I am bones and ash
I stay
Because this is love
This is the only love
I have ever known

everything's breaking
and i'm running
to the only place
i've ever known
to the only place
i've ever called home

i'm running to you-

1.
i fear you more than i love you

2.
sometimes i wish you were dead so that i wouldn't have to leave you but i wouldn't have to live with you either

3.
i went to dinner with a friend you forbade me to see. when i hugged him, his body was neither as soft nor as warm as yours and i didn't like it very much. there was no ****** tension; only liberation, and deep, deep guilt.

4.
sometimes i lie to you about my phone being out of battery. it's on airplane mode because i need some time to myself and you don't like it when i ask for "alone time". why do you need alone time, you always ask. i don't know how to explain it to you anymore.

5.
i wish i had never met you because i am in a cycle of evil and fear and guilt and pain and sure some days you make me feel loved but mostly you just drive me insane. insane, not in the oh my gosh i'm so in love way but in the i don't know what's real anymore way.

6.
i feel weak because i am not strong enough to leave you.

7.
i feel strong because through it all, i have survived.

few words are left to say
goodbye is the loudest.

i wrote a lot of great poetry when i was in love
i wrote even better poetry when i was in pain
i wrote the best poetry when i realized that the two emotions were actually the same.