we talked for an hour over chicken alfredo
and my fork kept clinking ringing crashing
against the edge of my bowl
like every time i tried to speak my hand
(knowing it could or should not strangle me silent)
would drown me out with metal

my night was sleepless on purpose
my eyes and throat begging
to shut in shame and respite but
i forced myself awake with every sip
(red bulls and cheap whiskey and stale banana bread)
i swallowed into grimaces
i swallowed into laughter

and my soles ached and argued
against the not-quite salted sidewalks
and the decaying skeletons of autumn
against the freezing arterial
and they all knew i could never catch up
as i ran behind shouting to wait
just a second let me reach–

for what?

for who?

the words i wasted don’t exist anymore.
now i talk over myself and my lover
and the words don’t matter;
they flow between us,
herbal tea with cream and sugar
flows between us like
sunlight pouring in through the blushing leaves
the sunset trees
that only we and the woodpeckers can touch

Summer surrenders sunlight to snow, so slow;
in shades of yellow and red reposed,
autumn’s amber drove.
Into the cold and winter’s wanton woes
restlessness still blows;
despite the icy bite unavoidably exposed,
now a blooming green, in memory still glows.
Through longer nights and silent sleeted sorrows
by keeping close a wealth of warmth from yesterdays ago, I’ve borrowed;
I close my eyes today and dream, now of tomorrows.

all have gone far and wide
there, a fair distance away
where no eye spy nor stray
only hindsight dare confide
even sproutlings coy in Spring
no fresh joys will they bring
still from Sun, buds cannot hide

i laugh without listening
and cancel all my plans

in black and white
dressing every windshield in dew

i dream of you in bars
in bars
i wake up wallowing
hollow
in all our distances and headaches

every day a ****** hangover
my dry eyes are rooftiles
in wait
for the acid come pouring
out the cracked ceramic sky

umbrellaless

i cancel plans 'cause of my veins'
caramel sludge cravings ever
clear embers and
candy climbing tumbles

i crumple through the openings
of every suburban sliding glass door
to sear the acoustics of some stranger's
morning cigarettes

make clouds
and disappear vapor-burned valleys

i cancel plans 'cause the moon
has been full for three months
and the atmosphere's been seizing grandly
in time to my throat's theatrics

in time to the tics of my lighter's
flickers and clicking calls

that won't stop
'cause i don't leave my bed

Underbelly of seabirds
As
White blue grey sky
Scrolls above.

Feathers frolic on
Thermal waves
Unknown to eyes
On Southend pier.

Rusting legs step out to
Sea
Swell and cresting small
Over silted bed