And will you stay here at my side,
And will you hold my hand?
Will you welcome me with solace
As a stranger in this land?
Oh my smile will never waver
But you'll see behind my eyes
There's a truth, not quite forthcoming,
Built in, permanent disguise.
And will you stay the mocking voices
that are screaming in my head
Will you quieten the questioning,
The words long left unsaid?
Will you show me how to show them
how much love I have inside?
Barely scratching at the surface
Strong enough to pierce the pride?
And will you have strength and patience
To excuse this bold façade?
Will you know the shame I cling to
Overcome and over awed?
While senses swim in puzzlement
New colours, sounds and sights,
Smells of life and death pervading
Brand new treasures, endless nights.
And will you exercise discretion
When she comes, as duty states?
Will you offer tea and biscuits
While she sits and Knows Her Place?
She the mother of my children
Will attend to sigh and cry
While years of living in my shadow
sire secret gloating, as I die.
And will you promise there'll be angels
To escort me to my fate?
Will you bother God with praying
Far too little, much to late!
As I watch my self decreasing,
And eternal sleep approach.
And all the hanging-heads assemble,
Witness Death and I elope
And will you try to fill the silence
When the boy sits at my side
Two suits of armour, never yielding
Bolstered by each others pride.
Lips form around apologies
To tell him I was wrong.
My disappointment's disappointment
Left unuttered, my swansong.
And will you promise there'll be choirs,
People weeping there in rows.
Muttered platitudes of comfort,
Midst a hymn that someone chose.
Will you promise there'll be angels
Otherwise then what's the point?
With trumpets, herald my arrival
And my fevered brow anoint.
And will you try to understand me
Will you promise not to judge
I was blinded and misguided
Used a fist and bore a grudge!
I'd exchange it in an instant
For a chance to right some wrongs
Hold my wife and hug my children
All my angels all along.
For the lifelong brave who just cant face the bravery any more!