I want to write a poem,
a poem reflecting everything i am,
everything i feel right now.
But to put into words,
something that i can't even say out loud,
is as emotionally exhausting as it gets.
My life spent trying soo hard,
to make other's happy and okay,
because they deserve it.
My days spent trying to look happy,
forcing a smile while over-thinking everything,
because they watch me.
My nights spent wanting to tear at my skin to stop the pain,
crying myself to sleep while thinking about how unhappy someone i know is,
because i care too much.
I think too much about it,
about him, them, you,
why?
I want to forget about the darkness eating me alive,
day by day and night by night,
why can't i just give up?
Everyday i remember everything he said to me,
every waking moment we spent together,
i want to forget it all.
Everyday i can't forget the constant pain,
the nausea and shaking,
why won't this stop?
Everyday i wake up and stare,
stare at the wall,
what's wrong with me?
Everyday i am scared,
that i am not good enough,
maybe i'm not.
Everyday i am scared,
that people hate me and maybe they do,
but doesn't someone love me for me?
Everyday it's a struggle,
to get out of bed and put on make up and force myself to eat,
and then put on a smile.
I want to write a beautifully sad poem,
about all this,
but how can i when i don't understand it all?