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 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
are you depressed?
nope i'm just stressed.
are you sad?
no, why do you ask?

are you okay?
what am i supposed to say,
do i tell them the truth?
or should i hide
behind the lie
and say that "i'm fine"?
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
they tell me you care
and you were always there.
anytime i needed you
you were there to help me through.

i'm trying to stay
but now you're walking away
at a faster pace
then i can face.

you're pretending
that you can't see me.

you're pretending
that i'm not here.

if you keep pretending
my reality will become what i fear.

i think it's my fault
but i really don't know.
i'm the one that waited two years
to finally let my feelings show.

so now i'm going to take my feelings
and make them really small,
until they don't feel as strong
and they're in a tiny ball.

guess i was a "too little, too late", huh?
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
they say that times changes you
i guess that's true
because now i don't really recognize you.

is it me or you that's hiding
behind the wall that's dividing between us.
i can't seem to tell.
it's weird because i used to know you so well
guess time changed you...
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
is there a point in your day
where you look through old posts
and then all your feelings just explode?

you want to go back
and make it right.
or stop it maybe
before it becomes a fight.

but it’s too late.
you can’t reverse time.
you can’t make lyrics rhyme.
or poems make sense.

it’s just the way it is.
i hate hurting people and yet i hurt this one person really bad. i treated them like ****. i didn’t do it intentionally but that doesn’t tale the hurt away. and it doesn’t take the sting away from the salt on the wound. i hurt them first. i knew everything was true, but i went back on what i said. i didn’t want to hurt them, but i ended up doing it anyway. scared. that’s all i’ll ever be. not good courageous enough and not worth the time...
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
awaken
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
if i could fall
into a deep sleep
would you be there
when i awaken?

would you hold my hand
and tell me that
everything that was shaken
is now solid?

tell me that
this was all some sort of magic trick
and now all the problems have disappeared?

i wish it was that easy.
but even then, would you still be there with me?
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
hugging
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
kaela
i need a hug,
not a false side one.
a really long one.
one in which i just disappear from the world.

nothing else will matter.
not the fact that me and you
have both moved on and found someone new.
i need one so tight
that i can feel my bones being crushed and pressured
until they s h a t t e r .

until
i
see
nothing
but
a
black
screen.

because all of what i've seen
is pain and hurt.
people fall and are pushed to
instantly get back up and brush off the dirt.

let's hug.
until
we
both
disappear.
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
Tiana Marie
She was like music,
and I longed to dance.

Her heart was the beat,
and I begged for the chance.

Her words were the vocals,
and I was put in a trance.

Her smile was the melody,
and I fell in love at first glance.
 Nov 2019 Bella-Lee
bless
I realize now
as I read your words dancing with the light of the screen,


                        I don't love you.


I wanted to be in love.
People seemed happy
when they are in love.

I wanted to be happy.
And being in love seemed
to take all the loneliness away.

It was then I remembered
the feeling buried with
forgotten memories.


                            I liked you.


And then I wanted to love you,
to love every inch
and every detail about you.



                            "I love you."

        

But I wasn't happy.
I wanted to be happy.
I thought if I loved you I would be happy.



                          "I loved you."
      


                                               I wasn't happy.
                                            I didn't love you.
                I was merely caught up with the
                                    idea of being in love,
                           of  being in love with you.
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