I wonder if clouds know they're beautiful
When they sit and watch from the the sky

I wonder if they know how dangerous and threatening they are
When thunder cries out

I wonder if they know how they turn colors
When the sun hits them just right

I walk to work wondering if they know

I wish I could live up there with them
I could be puffy and white

And no one would say anything
Because that's how clouds are

I wish I could reflect the sun
But only be full of rain

If I was full of rain
I wouldn't be full of emotion

Clouds don't become angry
Or sad

Clouds don't fall in love
And realize their love wasn't real

I wonder if clouds know how truly breath-taking they are

If I could stay and lay on the grass all day
And watch them

I would

I've driven through clouds once
It was like a dream

I pulled over and felt the fleeting puffs wisp by
I felt the rain wet my skin

I felt the cold penetrate my clothes
I felt the wind tangle my hair

And most of all
I felt the thrill of being in the clouds

I wonder if they thought of me as beautiful
As much as I saw them that way

I was going to write a poem today,
About love and loss,
Sin and gin,
But the motion was buried
By the question of how to drown myself
In the puddles outside my window.

i. you told me that my eyes are moonbeams, and
that sounded wrong because my eyes are small and
scared like an animal cowering in fear of a predator
and you used my tongue as a punching bag whenever
we kissed and bruises started showing up on the
toughest parts of my skin but maybe that was because
you painted them there to remind me that it's okay
to be scared /
to be vulnerable /
to be human

ii. it's easy to think that i am nothing but a
jigsaw puzzle of bones wrapped in someone else's
skin with a corrupted mind and a half a heart and
you came along with your crooked smiled and your
conflicting morals and i didn't understand you, but
that was okay because i didn't understand myself, and
that was okay because you showed me that understanding
yourself isn't important, and that's where things started
to go wrong

iii. you smelled like nicotine and honeydew and you
were cliché in such a subtle way that nobody noticed
and sometimes it felt like you were a figment of my
imagination and it took me too long to realize that in a
way, that's exactly what you were because that's all i
allowed you to be

iv. sometimes falling in love feels good, but other times
it means bleaching your skin so when you're laying in
an empty bed for the first time in a sixteen months, it
still feels like it's your own and that is something i know of,
but may never understand because i still feel the need to
wrap myself around you every night like a caterpillar that
doesn't want to become a butterfly and you tattoo my body
with your ink stained finger tips and it's safe to say that i am
poisoned by the constant thought of you

v. i don't know how much distance is between us but
there is always a home for you in the back corner of my
left side brain because you were really the only ******* thing
that made any sense to me

Wont you just stop hounding me
I don´t want you here no more
I´ve truly had enough
of you howling at my door.



If I let you in
I´m ripe for attack
I won´t breathe
for your weight on my back



You squash any joy
with your huge black paws
Stamp out my light
I´m in the grip of your jaws.



You´re baying for my blood
You feed on my esteem
growl in my sleep
drool gloom into my dreams



You rip out my peace
and drag it away
you bury it deep
inject doubt when i pray



I need an antidote
for your poisonous bite
Won´t you help me Lord?
Friends please help me fight?
As i cant rest at all tonight



I need to unlock my mind
from your vicious puzzle
but until then black dog,
I´m gonna buy you a big mean muzzle!

Spinning the top dial
Searching for bright painted riffs
Rock n rollered room