if pretending
that i dont love you
is the only way
to stay close to you,
i swear i will do it
a million times over

There is a poem that awaits
To be discovered,
A seed of thought that wants its
petals in the wind.
It was born of a woman I made
Impossible love to,
Heralded by her missed touch.

The verses are kissed with her
Destinies and embraces,
The light she left in my soul
Tells me of a place
I will write;
A Nightingale's dance under
The tranquil Moon's glow.

And only I know the words,
But they slip into dimensions
Unknown to me;
As though they take flight in
All my dreams.....

Under endless recollections
I sigh a thousand times from
A fountain among highest heights,
That of the waters of  memory
That evades me.

Your icy breath brushes my neck
on summer days when no one sees.

I doubt that you ever

belonged to me.
I don't recognize your spirit.

Tell me
what it is you want
and maybe I can set you free.

Not very anxious
to bloom,
my plum tree.

I am a combination of my family.  
I am a war fought within myself.  
We cannot have a holiday without a fight,  
And religion, politics and football a screaming in my veins.  
I am a women from a collapsing matriarchy,
Who sways her opinion in age,
But could **** you with one look.  
I don’t give a **** if I inconvenience you  
Because I am fighting for my freedom with An expensive taste in scotch.  
I am young, I am youth, and I am confused  
Surrounded by people who have their **** together.  
I am holding back tears  
When I am told I should stop dreaming, because this is my reality.  
I am full as I continue to eat,  
Because everything is a competition in my family
And they didn’t let me play dodge ball with the boys.  
I am a stone cold fox who gets torn down  
By those I’ve known my whole life.
They strip away my confidence  
As I hide in the corner.

Do not fall for my words
Do not admire my writing
And do not lust after my poetry
It is incapable
Of loving back

Love me instead.

Luminous pulse caught
Inside my brain, and
My eyes close but I'm still awake-
Wondering...
Do you think of me like I always think of you...
And
Can you still hear my voice
Ringing when I'm gone;
Unseen, but felt still.
So I've become the ***** geisha and
I want someone else to love me too much;
I never seem to find love so
I pursue the hunted rush.
(A paradox of safety
Because the closer to
Death you are, is the
Most awake you feel)
Seems a dream, that's all
You'll  only ever be, a dream when you
Caress my legs and slither through
My blueberry vein.
I just want to feel complete again and feel
Comfort in the quiet of being alone.
Another day does not mean
Yesterday has faded and retreated
Away.
You are a phantom In full flight,
Coming on hazy, as the night
Smashing all the lights.

Im dying
Emotionally and physically
I dont think I want to live in a world without her
Shes my bestfriend
I remember sitting in her kitchen for hours just listening to her life
She would tell me of black and white tvs, ehen you had to scrub floors on your knees
She taught me that hard work is worth it
If she leaves
Ill miss her hugs
Her talks
Going to her house regularly
Her "i love yous"
Her baking
Ill even miss the thick fog of smoke that clung to the walls slowly turning her own home into a haunted home.