Ive been choking
On all the words I've had to eat.
Dining on each failed attempt at perfection
And still haven't gotten to the meat.
Will I just repeat, repeat?
Will I sit in the same seat and accept I'm
Meant to turn cheeks
Until the back hand that beats me decided to cease?

I haven't known true love
Unless love is walking out and burning bridges, the very bridges that can bring me back to town.
My growing understanding of life
leaves me with more questions than answers and my dearest wisdom, is to admit that I'm weak.
Idle peace talk cuts deep.
When I know it's not what you mean.
Bowing out gracefully.
But where was that grace for me?


Been Suffocating in my sleep
I'm drowning in my dreams
Let me think this was me
When I woke up your hands were choking me.


I can't make sense of the bitterness and spite of those who have taken my mistakes and used them as a way to use my back to rest their knives.
I lost my fire to a passing wind and left my ghost in the shell of my passion. If I should find it again, I must ask then:
What do I do with the remnants of broken glass when I've held on so long my hands have gone numb? I stared through at my clear path and couldn't see the blood dripping from my hands.
So while I sleep I'll let your love slip your vines around me. Take me to the garden,
Bound my hands and tie me to this great tree, this great tree that was once just a ****.
I fell so fast but you weren't the branch that saved me, but instead you broke my fall and set me free.

Suffocating in my sleep
I'm drowning my dreams.
Lost the strength to breathe.
Fingers crossed this is the death of me.


So where are we when all you speak is a prerecorded message stuck on repeat?
Once you wake from your dreams will you see that you've burned the very bridge beneath your feet? My heart longs for love but the love you hold is like that of a vase.
Once a flower begins to wither, you cut it out and have it replaced.
Here's a toast to the lives you'll save.
A toast to all the things you chase.
Here's a toast to image you embrace
And to the God you've grown to dismiss and show distaste.
Here's to the end of me.
Here's to your dreams.

We haven't talked in months... you won't let me break up with you. Did you know you're driving me crazy? You carved "insane" into my lips. Now everything I say comes out like like a ****** getting excited about a pretty girl walking home.
I twitch and twist.
I cannot get enough rest.
If I am not sleeping I think id rather be dead. I DO NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE. Well... not like i did yesterday. This pain is a dull throb always reminding me. Did you know I get excited about starvation? It makes me feel in control. I wanted to talk about it... You don't have time for me but you simply won't let me go. LEAVE
ME  
    THE
            ****
                     A
                         L
                           O
                             N
                                E
please for I beg... keep away
im a mess that you ******* ****** on.
im ruined but you seem to have caused more destruction.
the butterflies have morphed into lions. Ripping me to shreds from the inside out.

Let me love again
SoMEoooOne not yOOOoou <uuU!
let me paint again
you see... you've limited me to only shades of blue
I miss the grass.
I miss the grey of rain
Most of all i miss being OkAy

Don't you know? I'm sooooo not into you.

1

Walking when the sky is at its darkest and the moon is reflecting everything i saw in you off of shiney objects makes me want to live in an ocean where giant luna pearls sleep for eternity. There is goodness within shadows... and there are shadows within you.  I think I need a new dictionary. I can't say the things im thinking. They are so small and insignificant compared to your beauty. Your thoughts are... something so precious. I'd like to see snowflakes melt on your lashes and dance down your cheeks. Im trying to understand what it all means. i want to sit so still and silent i can hear my own heartbeat and really I don't think i ever will.. because I'll always breathe and you can't be a statue when you're blinking. You ears can't focus when your breath is taken away. Steal my lungs and I will never learn. I'd very much like to trace the veins that twist and turn creating art along your arms.  Give your cuts butterfly kisses although i know it doesnt make things better. While you torture a fallen angel i cant help but think.. "Why him?" If i fall asleep id still not be able to reach my dreams. They're untouchable like the stone i keep behind the cage we call ribs. I hope you never see this...

In a city full of millions,
I found myself alone.

Whilst standing next to her,
I felt an aching in my bones.

"I'll keep the façade up,
until you leave." she mutters

I had so much to say,
but all that surfaced were stutters.

Do you know what is worse
than fleeting beauty or life?

The fact that once upon a time,
I wanted to make her my wife.

©  2017 José

to prematurely feel
death, is to see the spark fade,
feel them slip away.

©  2017 José

She taught me what true compassion felt like,
showed me avenues of life I never knew existed,
feelings that I never thought possible.

She gave me a glimpse into something so undeniable,
yet, at the same time, surreal beyond comprehension
- nothing was impossible wherever she existed.

She gave me a taste of forever,
a peek into the window of her soul,
and serendipity from her lips.

With her, I was a lion with the largest mane,
the first man on the moon,
the pickaxe that first struck gold in California.

Higher than high - cannabis had nothing on this,
the way her eyes glittered is something I'll miss.

She showed me what eternity could've been like,
and left devastation in her wake.

©  2017 José

I remember waking up early,
hours before dawn.
Rush to the kitchen,
make sandwiches and yawn.

Pilfer the keys to my mother's car,
and make my way to you.
Your dormitory from my house
was a journey far.

The way your sleepy face would light up
as you came down the stairs,
our eyes would meet,
smile and greet.

In the darkness at the beach,
I parked unobtrusively and out of reach.
Your head rested on my shoulder,
we sat in silence, communicating without words.

The way my hands tangled in yours,
the smell of the morning air,
fishermen by the coast
scavenging with their flash lights.

Then the sun would peek it's weary head,
above the horizon - the night was officially dead.
As my sight adjusted,
I would glance at eternity contained in your eyes.

For a second, that one second we'd never get back,
the atmosphere was just enough,
The sun began to flicker,
and it was just enough bright.

©  2017 José