So many people in this parking lot
It's over-crowded and they talk a-lot
I wasn't welcome but oh, I forgot-
But now that I am here tell me
If I am hot or not, yay or nay

Cold or warm, *** or not
**** or game, **** or not
Shut or vain, dumb or not

A loser and a shame,
It won't matter to them, if it gets you numb or not-
They won't stop, it won't end, unless your brain begins to rot
I kid you not, once there was a story and now the man's just caught
With all that crap they had to sell he bought it all
All their walls, short and tall, raised and taught-
All their words and all their all, but he couldn't get them though
And now he's just waiting to let them go,
He fell in love but they didn't know, it's all his fault;
he was a boy and now it's his turn to learn and grow, let him find his flow
Find himself in that well where he fell, with no story to tell
screaming this is hell, this is hell, somebody can you make it slow
The world's too fast and I didn't know,
I was the turtle and the rabbit had golden toes,
It was just the habits and now i'm ****** and I can't make it snow
get them hoes, never make it rain, out and stuck, in my high and lows
Painting stains, there must be something better out there, then demon and saints
In here,  things are just waiting to explode,
I'm ready to explore, but it's so crowded that i can't control myself,
when i am doubted by myself, because they told me so
But if i don't do this, I won't be a part of their show

And nobody would cross my path in the parking lot.

And I don't want to be lonely, not today, not ever so,
I will listen to them with a smile until I can't no more.

Until I can't no more.




Such a mess
A broken soul
A broken soul
Non-sense
It's all for the show
It's all for show
Don't be restless
So senseless
Let it go
Let it go
Let it end,

Parking lot's not the place to make friends.

trickle down
in pieces

in so many
that not any
can piece it

let fickle minds
do the thesis

the riddle
that you are

they'll never
complete it

separating thoughts
      from my head


fighting the demons
     haven't slept

awake every second
    nobody to tell


this is hell
this is hell
I swear, it feels like it

this is hell
nobody to tell
i fear, i'll be like this

forever in my soul
nobody to love or hold
watch time grow old
a heart gone cold

how do you live
like this anymore ?


there's no spell
this is hell
i swear, i'm so naked

nothing to sell
this is hell
my dear, i have waited

for so long
in this lake of fire
that now i am nothing
but ash
and you'll always be
what i could never have

a part of me
bearing my black

a dream unsold
never be, untold

how do you
get it all back ?

for i swear,

this is hell
this is my hell
i swear, it's mine to keep

nobody to tell
all i have felt
for an eternity

somewhere within me
burning me

for this is hell
this is hell
i swear, it's true

this is hell
this is hell
my dear, here without you.

h


h













        H O P E













The little child kept walking through the forest. Only ever stopping to look around to make sure nobody was following him. He was running away from home.


















His home was a thousand miles away from where he was at the moment. Afraid and lonely. It felt only yesterday when he sat by the window within the warmth of his home.
















Now all he saw was strange and confused. His eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the frequency of this wander land.















There was something barren in life here. Something felt made up and painted. There was no taste in the air. There was no feel to the wind.


















Yet, he kept walking on. In silence and alone. He was sure nobody else survived. He was sure he was going no where.



















And just before he was about to give up. There was a flash in the sky. So bright that the sky almost melted into a night. He felt it.
















He felt it rising through the wind. It was making his heart beat faster. The bright light burst into a big cloud of fireball, almost divine by design.











The little child closed his eyes and bent down on his knees. This was salvation.

A few seconds later, he was torn apart in pieces.














h

There was a time when I wanted to fly. There was a time when I wanted to feel as alive as possible. Now I'm just scared. Afraid, of how things can go wrong in one second. One moment you are someone and the other moment someone else. There's no story here. No words or figures. Just me. Just me and you. I don't know why you're here. I don't want to know. But I know you know what I'm talking about. You know the pain. We all do. If you don't, just pretend you're lucky. Because you're not.

Pain is universal for us. We can't possibly imagine a world without pain. We pretend it is something evil and cursed. Something rotten and broken. But it's not. It's the only truth other than death. That's the only thing that will still hold your hand when you're waiting for death to come. It is your most trustworthy friend. The only true friend that let's you be.

Death takes you away. Happiness makes you forget who you really are. But pain. Oh, the pain. How many countless artists and art has been made because of pain ?. Almost all of it. Because pain teaches you about a world that is far and isolated from everything. Where you can be truly you. At your best and worst.

But I don't like pain. It's just not for me. I don't thrive in pain. I give myself up. Some people create when they're in pain. I destroy. You can make art both ways. You just can't choose which one belongs for you. And it's killing the world.

The problem in the world is that we're all afraid. We're all afraid to love and be ourselves. We can blame it on everything else but honestly it's our fault. It's inside us and we weren't taught to respect it, we weren't taught to separate pain from love. For us it's the opposite faces of the same coin. Pain is not absence of love, Nor is love presence of happiness. It's born inside everyone differently. It's like our DNA, different for everybody.





We're not taught about freedom anymore. But rules and laws. We're not taught about how we can be ourselves but how we can be someone else. It's a race and we're all losing. We're all losing because there's no finish line. We're all just running because the first guy began to run and then the next followed him. Now anyone who doesn't run will find himself lonely. There's nobody left standing still. Everybody is busy in running to no where. The world feels small now. The universe feels explored. There are more answers to questions now, but we're still clueless.




There is more love to be had now more than ever. There are so many of us now.

But where is love ?. Where is this magical thing. Where does it hide ?.

When I was little I searched for it in people. When I grew up I searched for it in my heart. And today, with a broken heart I know where it is.

Far and unreachable but somewhere beautiful and warm.


There's no pain as the pain from a broken heart. It swallows every inch of your body, your soul, along with every positive energy in the world. It swallows time itself.

The worst part is, even if you could go back and change things... you wouldn't.

That's not love. That's the pain.

That's the pain telling you that you not only need something but something that was a part of you is missing.

The pain is what keeps the love alive and in a way keeps the world alive.

And We'll be nothing without love.

Not with our skyscrapers and latest technology, addictions and trends.

Have you ever met a man who lost on love ? Who saw his love slowly walk away leaving him alone in the universe.

Do you think he still enjoys good food or music ?

Do you think those things matter anymore ?

Love is magical. Magic does not exist. It only appears in a moment briefly only to disappear.

Leaving you scratching your head because you have no clue what hit you.

Getting hit by a train is better, some would say. It's not even anywhere close in my opinion.

And when you're in that pain. You realise there's no difference between love and pain.

But the difference you make.

It's as much more important to heal the world today than live within ourselves in pain.

It's as much more important to stop running for a moment and see around ourselves. See if somebody needs to be picked up.

And love is the only thing strong enough to make us stop.

But you now what ?.

Pain is the only thing that will make you stay.

if i have to die in fire
then that's all i'll remember
in burning flames seething
fleeing my soul

feeling all that i've conspired
must have taken it's toll

it's her another december
and that's all i remember

now that i have surrendered
a part of my whole



there's so much more
than what it used to be
she
growing wings and
escaping into the sky

i've seen her cage
that endless sea

fallen in my ink
as i paint her a bird
to dream and fly


and if i have to fade
with my desire
for her will to live  

then that's all i'm 'gonna do

i have made myself
into a liar
where i sit

this place that isn't true

so
burn me

when you find me
or i'll come back to life

turn me
into a zombie

it's better than
being alive

the world doesn't want me
and it's alright

tell ghosts to haunt me

i don't want to dream about her
all night.

when no one loves nobody,
there's not someone for everybody
some have a soul, a mind
some have just a rotting body

falling apart in pieces

i've tried to be alive
but i just cannot feel it

it feels as if i do not need it

how pretty it would be
if i could leave all this

far, far behind
never completed.




and nobody dies
everybody would cry
there'll be a sun in the sky
with tears in his eyes

don't ask me to lie
you don't have to ask me why

it's all just a beautiful life.




don't tell me you don't mourn
when you're there on your own

and the world passes you by

in that tale of sorrows
even whispers hunt and pry
there was once a river here
before the thirst made it dry

and i just stood there,

screaming into the hollow
searching it for a reply

but the shadows are all in love
dancing on naked cracked walls
bearing their all,

in a moment that makes me cry

there's so much more to empty
now that i have to leave this place
bleach my face and say good-bye



and nobody dies
everybody would cry
there'll be a sun in the sky
with tears in his eyes

don't ask me to lie
you don't have to ask me why

it's all after all
just a beautiful life.