not a reason more to die
I've always hated my good-byes

never really ever learned to cry
now i am but all so bled out


[and I don't know what to do...]



they told me if I had wings I'd fly
but that's not true.. that's not true

I sit in the dirt and watch the sky
I watch the sky as it passes me by



[and I don't know if it's still blue...]



my head is on my feet and it's weird
the way I'm searching for it everywhere

I have the key but the door is not there
I left it a wrong time ago right here



[and I don't know if I ever knew...]



I swear I knew more than this just moments ago,
something ate into my brain as I watched the pendulum go to and fro..


hypnotised by my own breath and what not, that came in between,
how i claim to own things but can't remember a word from my dreams..



[and I don't know if it's still true...]



they told me it takes only a moment to die
and if I can perish on my self I'd learn how to fly

if I can paint a black-hole there'll be no more reason to ask a why,
every colour is there for our amusement and window's don't lie



[and I don't know if there's a view..]



I've lingered like the shadows on a wall waiting to pry,
like that vile poison for the enemy that's too sly..

like that little boy back in the trunk that's too shy,
I remember now how it took only a moment to die..


[and I don't know if that's new...]




back to the same story, on the same page waiting to be inked,
things mightier than titanic have come and gone.. been sinked, skinned by sin..

and I'm still here, doing nothing and wasting my time all over again,
it takes only a moment to die and you're back at it again..


[and I don't know what to do...]
[and I don't know what to do...]
[and I don't know what to do...]


Do you ?

and so it goes
another ghost
down the wonderland

from the veins
shelter on the rain

and nobody knows
if the season
will ever be kissed the same

up on the rocks
far away
where the ocean screams
I can see bodies floating
like it was only yesterday

swallowing the dreams
torn by the seam
on a bed of thorns
a road never walked upon
I saw him run away

this other being
who looks a lot like me
and I wonder if
there's more than I've seen ?

a place more
than where i've been
a red sky
and the meadow's green

and so it goes
another ghost
down the drain

and I'm so afraid
that I'll never make it
to the wonderland
ever again

with my hands on my heart and knife on the clown
I'm just pretending I'm laughing..while it all crashes down..
just breathing for a moment.. and watching everyone around
they look so happy.. have they all been swimming in the magic potion..
brewed by the old ghost i found lingering in the shadows..
I wonder if they can see how the flood has swept everything away on the ground..
the noahs arc is broken.. begging for mechanic to repair the scars..
every hour a new boy is born to rip off the struggling heart..
no daughter to confuse your soul with.. the father makes me sick..
and mother's out there in the ocean.. ready to drown..

is that what they preached when we were kids ?
I never came to know.. i was down for a while with random ****..
and they told me my words don't mean anything unless I learn with fire..

where there is hate there is desire to destroy whatever you make of it..
stranger times have weathered the storms.. those gave me the chills

and I'm forgetting if I was supposed to be polite to the outside world..
the same folks who never cared if the little boy was hurt..

now Give me your solution and dissolve me of your worries..
I want that bollywood hit... where I'll be lost with a beautiful chick lost in poppy seeds.
I've bled what you bleed and I was never disgusted to how it all panned out...

no matter how much the school principle spent the time in screaming..
I never heard  anyone shout...
MAYBE I never cared for the migraine bouts..
far too less concerned with life and all that it takes away..
always ready to run away
from their dreams and what they kept out to be lost..

I was never the good child.. always pathetic and vile...
ready to **** in a moment of heat.. now I've stabbed myself enough to leave..

Let me go.. let me rule my world..
let me love like no other..
I don't need your fake sisters and brothers..
I DON'T pray to your god.. I'm just happy alone in the woods...
With a pair of socks and twenty dogs..
waiting for me to whistle I never came to realise..
I'm ready for your demise..
I'm ready for mine..

pray that I don't ever cross your path.. they say I have a burning mind..

too engrossed in moment of bliss.. that i don't have the time to be who's right..
But that's alright..
that's enough for a fight..
and in the night I'll pretend I've fallen asleep...
dreaming about things they never let me keep..
for an age.. I was getting on the stage.. for the reapers who wouldn't really reap..

that's a thousand feet from where I've stood all my life..
holding the knife on my throat that cuts deep..

isn't it beautiful to be different when you don't know how to be anything else ?

maybe a tree that isn't free ?

What they cannot be And what I cannot see ?

do I have to be what they tell me how it's all supposed to be ?

never beautiful but always afraid..


why not be how i was made ?

even though a mistake..

isn't it beautiful to be ugly..

I see this world rotating hanging upside down
with all of these voices screaming in my head and in the background
Like a pendulum I swing back and forth and up again
I ******* tears leaving me.. I think it's about to rain

And I wonder if it's my time ?
And I wander in my filthy mind...

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never ever be



My thoughts are collapsing in the noise of silence
Blood rushing to my brain and I'm tasting the violence

How the hell did I find my way back here again ?
After a thousand memories as if nothing has changed
And it's all still the same

Can somebody cut the rope.. too much pressure on my veins
And I'm seeing things that cannot be


And I wonder where's my mind ?
And I wander in my filthy mind

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never surely be

It hurts so bad and I'm normal once again
Only if for a moment..
I love when my dreams get me insane

I see the kids playing in dirt and killing all the flowers
I remember how I ate away the guilty world of ours
Just hanging by a thread and it's now bleeding me the years
And I'm afraid if I don't find a doctor soon I won't even be here

To tell you I took more than my share
And maybe that's why I'm all so f*cked up and alone there
In that space
Just hanging..


Can you not hear me ?
I've been doing things to gather your attention
I've done so much that nothing gives me the satisfaction
Twisted moments give me nothing but another dose of pain
Like a pendulum I swing back and forth and up again

Can't you see ?
All I ever wanted was to be free


And I wonder if it's my time ?
And I wander in my filthy mind

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never truly be


Find me a potion and make me a person again
I've met all of your flavours and I want it plain
Give me poison.. I want the erosion
I don't want to be left the same



I've been awake every night I have lived in a hope to be found
And now i can't see the sun for it hurts my eyes
I've forgotten how it sounds

outside

Besides,

Way out in the woods you'll find me reaching inside my throat
Pulling out my insides so I can find my heart and build myself a boat

I've been drowning since forever and I'm feeling like a broken home
Go away from me now.. I don't ever want you to see me this open and alone

This is not how I am

I'm more than I pretend to be

Can't you see what I'll never be ?

Can you save me from me ?

Can you pretend you see what I want you to see ?



And I wonder if it's my time ?
And I wander in my filthy mind

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never ever be

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old


make me a bridge I can love
this way or that
it will never matter where I go
it will never get cold

and no matter how many
times I look in the mirror
it will never shatter
and it will never know
this curse of gold


make somebody to be mine
even if it's only me to fear

somebody on my mind
but it has to be real

not just words I will bleed
on this empty page
I'm staring at this moment
make me a door

give me more than my share
I've been breathing torment
and now i don't know
how to live anymore


take me some place far away
one face where no scar can play
I'd like my sky to be so blue
full of light that no star will stay

and I'm not reminded
that i made my home
in another galaxy

for i could never find
someone standing close

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old


I've been dreaming since
yesterday in something
another year wasted
before it could say anything

I find colours so grey

make me a rainbow
and it will rain all across
my sun rays


I've been living on fumes
of tears i was sold

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old

longer my pain grows
stronger my wait flows
into an ocean of my abyss

I've been made a machine
and I'm in love with this
empty feeling that I cannot resist

that knows
no boundary
of not to grieve

please understand me
I'm not what I was told

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old


build me again
like you wanted me to be
what you needed to see
and set me free
from your lies


take away my eyes
place them in a box
filled with a sky
replace my every part
I won't even ask why

even if I have to die
it is worth living for..

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old

I've been looking
for you everywhere
where are you ?
I've been breaking the sun
every night.

what has it done
that you've become so ugly
you don't make me feel pretty
anymore alright.

is this what you've become
is this how you come undone
is this all there is to it ?

I've been searching
for you to wake me up
I'm feeling so afraid
of monsters that you made
that i've forgotten how to love


is this what you've become
is this how you come undone
is this all there is to it ?


I don't know if it's you
I've learned enough stories
that now I'm sure I know
how this universe works

If it's guilty and true
it has to hurt
I'll write you down
in my mind
before your soul erupts

I'll even help you
count the cost
I'm not telling any lies
but you stink of loss

but you will never listen
even though they're all gone

something's wrong
with your brain they say
they're not my words
that i can erase any way

tell me please
do you remember
what you miss the most ?

or is it still hard
and you cannot leave
this mind of yours ?

don't be rude
make up your mind
nobody else is going to
paint it for you
but be sure if you do
we only sell in black

now tell me
where in hell were you ?

stranger hiding in my brain
why are you fighting me again ?

why are you always
fighting me ?

talk to me
tell me your tale

speak to me your pain
scream to me your name

where did you
come from ?
come to me now
I've been so alone
with thoughts I
cannot contain



[what have you
done to me ?]



show me how
my dreams are made
you've known
so much that I'm afraid
you cannot leave now
and if you must..

I have nothing to say
I'll just write you
down on a page

burn you so slowly
that you'll never
try to run away


[what are you
doing to me ?]


what have I become ?

no
you cannot stay

or you'll eat my mind
and there'll be no one
to remind me of my time


that one time
we spoke for hours..

you told me
you were not me..

but I don't remember me


[what have you
turned me into ?]


am I still the same ?

or am I two

am I you ?

or are you me too..

stranger hiding in my brain
tell me my name

I beg you...



why are you always
fighting me ?