My pencil drags
leaving marks on the page
I don't pick it up, in fear of
Lossing my thoughts
my mind
my eyes
But I put it down, and pick up my pen
dragging that too
across the page
smearing ink
afraid of making that one mistake
The one mistake that ruins the pice
the one that ruins the work
my heart
I then put that down too
and chose my colors
so many combinations can be made,
green blue black
red orange pink
silver white black
purple black gold
But it can only be three colors,
or else it looks too cluttered
to messy
too unfinished
I choose my colors, and then
they too get dragged across the page
Mixing occurs
blending,
and I worry about the mistakes again
Anxiety spikes in my mind
my heart is pumping
but my hands are steady
And I repeat my steps, over
and over
and over and over and over
until I get It just right
And finally, I step back
I look at the paper
I laugh, I smile
finally, no mistakes
It's beautiful, but not enough so
so I try again
in an endless loop
of pencils, pens, and color