I've missed you with a never ending sorrow, because the moments without you are like flowers with no color.
Still alive, yes, but the beauty has been stripped away.
You are the color to my world.
With you, there is beauty.
I sit up in my bed, wondering if you feel the same tension that courses through me. Your feet trill in and out of your room, and you leave the hall light on. It illumines the cracks around my door and I wait to see shadowy feet at the bottom accompanied with a faint knock. It never comes.
Is it just me? Am I the only one breaking from our recent distance of souls?
We used to be so in sync, and together we made a harmony that I now can only recall like an aged dream. It seems that we have both switched keys in this song, and now our notes only create dissonance. I was sure our tunes would meet again to compose a grand resolution, but it seems that you stopped listening long ago.
I'm better off without you
I'm really starting to see
Now that time has past
I've dried my tear soaked sleeves
I thought you were my angel
What a cunning disguise
Turns out you were my demon
Crippling my mind
So thanks for the memories
But I'm finally moving on
It seems that to catch my breath
I needed you gone
I'm afraid to speak my mind
because I'm afraid I'll offend
So I keep it all inside
Control the message that I send
They say not to hoard feelings
but don't you dare disagree
Because no answer is wrong
unless it contradicts me
Genuine smiles no longer come easy.
I've been robbed of my light.
Something must be wrong with me.
The lines have blurred of what's right.
Things that once would have brought joy, I now look at with disdain.
This pessimistic heart of mine has grown more through the pain.
My parents aren't my heroes that come and save the day.
I've come to long for times when I can get away.
I just want to go home, though I don't know where that is.
The childlike perspective on life is what I really miss.
It's called faith, not fact.
But for it to be faith, you must see it as fact.
I'm covered in filth.
Who would want me?
Maybe when I've cleaned the dirt off my face, love will take me in.
I must attain perfection before approaching it.
But there's a voice that speaks above my sin.
"Come as you are."
This can't be right.
As I am?
No. I'm a mess.
I'm broken, sinful, and weary.
The answer remains clear.
*"Come as you are, beloved. You're still mine."
I remember that feeling
that heavy weight I held
just wanting to die already
but being terrified of hell
I was suicidal
but only in my mind
I could never make my body commit that selfish, wanted crime
my breathing had no point
and my life felt like death
I couldn't see past the pain that I wanted to forget
"you'll always be alone" kept ringing through my head
telling me that all would be fine when I was finally dead
I just wish I could travel back
and tell me where I am
out of that black hole
and into life again
they say it gets better
which is hard to believe
but I now can testify
that it rang true for me
No one hears her cries for help.
No matter her volume, she's ignored.
Her voice is just a lost whisper in the abyss.
She knows not if it will return, nor if she can wait any longer.
Stuck behind the glass, she watches her life continue without her.
Always present, but never there.
Life is a mountain.
We're all here trying to climb it, always searching for the top.
There are things that promise to bring us there, such as money or power, but they still leave us climbing.
Most people will spend their lives on this endless hunt for contentment- the top of the mountain.
But there are some who realize that the top of the mountain is only an illusion that keeps us climbing.
You can either spend your life controlled by the climb, or you can execute the only power you possess, and let go.
*Maybe, upon reaching the bottom, there is finally relief.
My future gives me an anxiety that will last a lifetime.
It will not be controlled.
It will not be known.
It's a rather cruel game, don't you agree? Being clueless to the inevitable.
I'm slowly, silently dying.
No one knows. No one cares.
While he thought of someone else, she thought of him.
There is no deeper pain than this:
To love and not be loved.
Removing you from my life was like taking alcohol away from a drunk.
I got angry, I begged for your return, but when I was finally sober, I knew it was for the best.
The girl in the day walks towards night, and the darkness swallows her whole.
She doesn't panic, but decides to stay,
"Just for a minute," she says to the light.
So she dines with darkness and dances with sin, giving in to every pleasure.
The girl who came no longer is the same as when darkness met her.
You are a diamond.
Don't sell yourself as silicon.
You left a hole in my heart when you said "Goodbye."
I begged at your feet for a reason why.
Your face, stone, showed no sympathy
At the broken pieces you made of me.
You left a hole in my heart when you walked away.
I keep trying to fill it, but it stays the same.
Everyday, a challenge to breathe.
Every second, more depressing.
You left a hole in my heart now that I'm alone.
The darkness consumes my lonely soul.
Happiness is just a faint memory
Of the life I lived when you were with me.
Prequel to Better Off
— The End —