There used to be a light in your eyes
That would shine endlessly in the dark
Holding hope and joy
You never faded

You used to smile brightly
Your cheeks would hurt from all the smiling
They called you Ms. Smiles
You never frowned

You used to be more energetic
Always running against the wind
Hair smelling of sweat and dirt
You were never tired

You used to sing all the time
Loudly from the shower
Disney songs and all
Your voice was never lost

You used to talk all the time
Not loudly, but just enough
From mumbles to jabbers
You were never silent

You used to be happy
Laughing and smiling
Daydreaming and playing.
I used to be.

For so long I struggled
With trying to jumble words
Together
To write a poem
For you
For our friendship

But it has now dawned on me
That perhaps our friendship
Is one that is no longer in tact
It is fading

It is withering
Like a flower
After a long hot summer
Drifting into fall
A start to an end

I was in denial
I tried to ignore the signs
Every small text ignored
Every small shove aside
Every plan unfollowed
I felt it
I knew
Perhaps you did too

Our lives are changing
I always thought
We would make it through

But our friendship
One that has lasted half our lives
Is one that I never presumed
Wouldn't stand the test of time.

I don't regret writing poems for you.
The ink I laid to paper couldn't paint my feelings but I tried.
I tried so hard to make you hear me.
I tried so hard to shout into the void and I tried even harder to hear you.
But sometimes things just aren't meant to be.
Sometimes the ink runs.
But it happened for a reason and for that,
I don't regret falling in love with you.

I hope
When they cut me
Open
Your name
Is etched
In gold.

And I hope
When they see
Your name
They can picture
Your smile
The way I did.

There was a page
Full of words
That said everything
That said nothing

My thoughts were unclear
My writing was cloudy
It made no sense
But so much
I understood

That poem was a failure
Ironically, it spoke of failure.
I tried to force ink onto paper
And in return received a
Mess of a masterpiece
A reflection of who I am

I had abandoned my work
It screams to be finished.
So finally
I come out of my shell
I try to undo knots
I couldn't untangle before

Because in a few days time
I will have answers
To questions I've always asked
And I'm not sure I am ready
But I am standing now
Or at least,
I will soon.

Soon,
I will stand tall
I will be stepping...
But where will my feet land?

Why do I want to love?*
Perhaps it's the million dollar question
That will unlock doors
That were unseen to my eyes

Maybe I want to have someone to hold
To have someone hold me
Being loved is a concept unfamiliar to me
But I recognize the beauty that is attached
To loving someone else

Maybe my soul aches for its missing piece
The one ***** out of place
Leaving me desperate
Trying to cling to anyone I believe worthy

I breathe the air of wander
I swim through deep personal waters
I soar the sad spoken air
All in search of someone

Does anyone want to lay a claim
To my lonely life?
Does anyone here want to love a girl
Who would love you as if
There was nothing
To distract her heart from all the love
It could pour into your soul?

And with all that being said
I ask my next love,
My next joy,
Give me the ink to write out love notes
Allow my windows to open wide
Let me breathe in the love around us
So I may answer my own questions
With the letters of your name

I am not sure
If it's my loneliness
My desire to love
My infatuation with you
Or just you in general

But I am so glad
I have gotten closer to you
If only in the slightest
Before our time is up

I will miss your smile
Your laugh
Our not-so-frequent chats
Your unseen beauty

I have yet to tell you
To tell you that I care
That it hurts when you hurt
That I would like to get to know you better

But you won't be here for much longer
It's sadly wonderful
You won't be here for much longer
So I really shouldn't bother

It's hopeless really
I know nothing will come of it
Just like every infatuation I've had
Nothing will come of this

I hope you find happiness
No matter what happens
Just know I care
You will be missed.