today I received the good news
but the sky was certainly not sunny
how did the morning brings shades
of the nights I spent crying
trembling hands and muted whimpers
the things I went through to get here

and I still can’t sleep
and I start listening to musics
random watercolor paintings
the pain is taking me dancing

tactical plans, completed it all
polite smiles, swept them off
my body yearns hibernating sleep
and a safe space for a long weep

quiet night, silent cold
laid in bed, eyes won’t closed
said nobody died but I’m grieving
can’t explain but something’s missing

fate can be cruel
as if deliberately cruel
to trample your heart
humble you down

I collect my broken pieces
with his wise words of patience
and he said he’s happy enough, he’s grateful
and I realized I’ve strayed from the Most Merciful

were you the prince of my dream
January and all the beautiful things
disappeared in one night
you were catching flight

your warmth, your smell
dumbfounded, were they lies
if it’s real why am I alone
my heart dropped like never before

sometimes it’s piercing me how
people didn’t realize that
what they have easily are
invaluable luxury
something i can’t buy with money

oh if only
if only i’m in peace
with everything i have
value them as luxury
maybe my heart will finally be at ease

I don’t need more
I need what I’ve lost

I don’t want to climb higher
I want a quiet gentle pause

the uneasy effort results in clarity
that my start is still far below zero
and the dream is still far away to go

how do I tell myself
that the evil whispers aren’t true
that this is a milestone to celebrate
that hope will never disappear

to become my supporter
when I’m also the one carrying pain
I keep drowning
and keep shouting
“I love you”
“you’ve done well”

the nightmares start when I open my eyes
every morning my fears grow limitless
picturing my years to come in ruins
overcoming sprouts of hope I’ve been sowing

all I think is Mary
the pure was tested with slander
shaken a solid tree while in pain
kept silent when she wants to explain
said all she needs is trust
all she had was faith