Oh, I have tried to laugh the pain away,
Let new flames brush my love-springs like a feather.
But the old fever seizes me to-day,
As sickness grips a soul in wretched weather.
I have given up myself to every urge,
With not a care of precious powers spent,
Have bared my body to the strangest scourge,
To soothe and deaden my heart's unhealing rent.
But you have torn a nerve out of my frame,
A gut that no physician can replace,
And reft my life of happiness and aim.
Oh what new purpose shall I now embrace?
What substance hold, what lovely form pursue,
When my thought burns through everything to you?

I might not be the same girl like all those girls you've dated before. I don't dress like others. I have no common taste. I talk thoughtfully. I choose words wisely.

You might not be the first one I have adored. Yet all this time I've been relying on plain amazement of loving without being loved in return. No one has intension to love me.

I am so melancholic. I spent my teenage phase being suicidal. My 16 to 19 times I spent beint attempted to die. I am not afraid of bloods that burst out from my wrist. I don't mind spending days just for crying.

I used to be the outspoken one. But life has its ups and downs and eventually it changed me a lot. I guess I was born to suffer not to survive. That's why I became depressed all the time.

Dear, you know I care or not at all. You've tried nothing, I am just falling. And the more I fall, the more I'm afraid of getting the unbearable pain I can't fathom.

I'm not ready to be drowned once more, crying all my tears away, shouting and yelling to the silence, pulling down my sadness to the utmost.

Dear, I'm just not ready for this. I get myself wrong. Shall I tune a farewell and say good bye all along?

My life is all about
Black or white
It is just about
Right or wrong

The choices i've made
Either sharp or dull
All my life i've been waiting
For something bad or good

Life is just a way long or too short
Mistakes are either huge or little
There's always one or two
And there's none of more

Dec, 13 2015.

I have no wit, I have no words, no tears;
My heart within me like a stone
Is numbed too much for hopes or fears;
Look right, look left, I dwell alone;
A lift mine eyes, but dimmed with grief
No everlasting hills I see;
My life is like the falling leaf;
O Jesus, quicken me.

Don’t fall in love with me.
There are days when I get sad without a reason and I just stare at the ceiling with tears streaming down my face.

Don’t fall in love with me.
On those days, I don’t talk to anyone. I just bury myself in my bed and think about how I became this mess of sadness.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will become attached to you and I will cry myself to sleep if you don’t text me good night before you go to sleep and I will convince myself that it’s because you got tired of me.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m too much. I will depend on you. I need attention, much more than other people. I’ll talk to you in metaphors and make you one. I’ll write poems about you and opening up my skin at 2 A.M.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I couldn’t stand you coming home to find me on the bathroom floor shaking and crying, with blood spilling from my wrists. I couldn’t stand seeing the disappointment in your eyes.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will pour everything I’ve left of me into you, every bit of love, until I have nothing to give. Until I become completely empty.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m scared that my sadness is contagious.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will replay your sweet words in my head when I hate myself so much that I want to die. Your words will be the only thing that make me stay.

Don’t fall in love with me.
You will live in fear. You won’t be able to leave me, because you’d know if you did, I wouldn’t have anything to live for.

Don’t fall in love with me.
Before I met you, there wasn’t a single person who could’ve made me stay. You’re my reason now.

Don’t fall in love with me.
Because I will fall in love with you.

She sat in the old cafe
she used to spend hours with someone
who left her years ago
she kept glancing at the window
with pen in her mouth and papers
thoughtfully looked for something poetic
to describe her disappointments

She had a cup of tea
and a slice of apple cake
because someone told her wisely
not to have too much caffeine
and she laughed at herself halfheartedly
in such a melancholy nostalgia

she traveled to the past
and she smiled, showing a grim
remembering the way they carved forever
within their jokes and their laughs
or even how she whirled within his heart
and she eventually thought it was enough
to dive down more into a nostalgia