I’m scared to say yes to you because then who will I be ? What is to be loved unconditionally ? To not worry if someone is prettier or smarter or a threat to me. What is it to have our own house, in our own town with our own things. I have waited my whole life to be happy , and here it is infront of me the chance , why can’t I grab it ? Why can’t I say yes and run with open arms and leave the past behind , is it because all of the trauma and sadness has become part of me , because I don’t know how to accept stability without feeling like that’s it. That’s the end of it all , how can it be the end? It’s never been the end of the sadness before ? How can I trust you won’t leave like the rest. Build me up into comfort then only look at me when I’m undressed. Laying with me but longing to lay with others too. What if one day you wake up and realise I’m just not for you. I’m scared ... I’m scared but I want to be brave, it seems you were carved into the exact thing I need , the thing that would have saved me years ago. Please hold on. Please wait for me. I just need a little push I could never find anyone as good as you. They don’t exist. Your the light I never had , just please don’t go  but take the darkness away slowly because the brightness hurts my eyes.

Will You?

Will you still love me when I’m unaware of trends ?
When my body is different ,
When my freckles are surrounded by wrinkles
When my hair isn’t as long  ,
When I’m unable to be missed because we don’t get the chance to be apart
When the stories I tell are worn out and old
When we can’t stay up past nine and
When I don’t remember life before us.
Will you ?

Is anything forever ? Or does life consist of painful experiences and fleeting moments of loveliness alone the pain, are we ever truly happy longer than in those moments in passing, are we always searching for our forever thing in hopes the minutes turn into hours the hours turn into days , the days into weeks, weeks into years and so on until we reach our final chapter hopeful eventually all the pain makes sense and we have accumulated enough of it to get the ending we deserve.