if life was a game of chess
i would make you play the white pieces
because i am terrified to move first.

if your bed was an ocean
i would drown in my emotions while lying there
because i never learned how to swim.

if life was a playground
i would leave blood and skin on the pavement
because i fell for you.

if your bed was a graveyard
i would have my epitaph engraved on your headboard.

“I dont know”
was my response
when you asked me if
I still love you

the world stopped
for the both of us
as I wondered on the thought
of me, being selfish
or being true
and yours upon the
realization that
maybe, just maybe
my love for you
is fleeting

neither of us was speaking
and the silence echoed
through the depths of my head
and you uttered
‘oh’

that moment, I knew
that you gave up
on me, and my inner
indecisiveness

I crumbled upon
the guilt of telling you
those words, so instead
I let my tongue do
the talking and said
'maybe'

cause it was never hard to say

but it is always hard to face

the reality of being responsible
to someone

as if I have to breathe
through somebody’s pair of lungs
and scratch the loneliness
with someone else’s fingers

we parted
I changed numbers

cause I had to stay afloat
on the clouds of solitude
free from attachments.

I am choking on silence as we sit.
   We used to be so close
and now we’re miles apart but in the same room?
You say “ I’ve missed you” and I copy. We are falsely brought together by materialistic objects and drawn apart when there is nothing to give. Yet we claw for each other, yearning for the past love that we once had and now is gone, somewhere else, occupying someone else.

it was you all along
i thought it was me
i apologized profusely
my cries were ignored
you blamed me
i did too
drove myself to the brink of insanity
so often that i knew
the back roads
all along
it was you