Andrew Kerklaan

Aug 2017

Annie

Do you ever shave?
Just so you could play with a blade
And smile?
Even though inside you're only scared

Everyone worked and won,
Everyone came and now is gone
While I lay here on my bed,
In dark, with my skin gone wrong

Do you ever spend hopeless days?
And the nights romanticing your grave
Or is it just me?
The one who laughs but all in vain

I have become an ugly mess
And I'ld look disgusting, I confess
Even if I put on red lipstick
And a good dress

#life #sad #depression #suicidal #selfharm

Andrew Kerklaan Jul 2017

Lift Off

I feel at times that my stance is awkward...

I lean precariously from one foot to the other

Tilting slightly higher as I lean in Pisa's wake

Seemingly uncertain of whether to fall or stand, I rest here for a moment and crane the distance between the ground and me.

Hopeful yet motionless, star-struck in limbo

Waiting for.a breeze to brush past or even stop and say "Hello"

But I fear that if it did, I might just float away...

Carried on high like dust in the wind

No longer rooted to the ground

I take off!   It's time to go!    (for good this time)

I am finally free.

I  lift off  without a sound

"One day, I will float away"

#freedom #awkward #depression

Andrew Kerklaan Jul 2017

Wasted

It is in this moment of shame that I am most dishonoured

I can physically hear the folds of my clothing rumple as I collapse into the sidewalk of my mind-- skull fragments reverberating off the backs of my teeth and echoing dully in the absence of mind.

Silently and absently, I will expire -- My final call

Again


                 and

                               Again

I will die here...
                               Even if only just in a dream

Just because you have depression does not mean it is incurable.
Do something about it. Stretch your limbs, fill your lungs and hug somebody you care about. Find some sun, don't hide inside and I assure you things will actually be just "alright"

#depression #suicidal #thoughts #findinghope

Jul 2017

𝘚𝘶𝘻𝘺 𝘉𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘬𝘺

When my wife is far away I miss her.

God-**** this old rifle!!!

Jul 2017

Nadia DeLevea

Dreams Hurt

Last night I drempt I saw you again.
It all seemed so real,
Never Did I doubt it was only a dream.

I saw your face clearly,
Clearer than I knew my memories could allow.
Your smile, your smell, the feel of your arms around me,
Never once did I doubt it was only a dream.

I stared in disbelief,
You grabbed me, you held me, I cried on your chest.
Never once did I doubt it was all only a dream.

The thing about dreams is that time has no control of them.
We did all the things we used to do,
It was as if all the years we spent together we re-lived in a few hours.
Never Did I doubt it was only a dream.

I had let you go, I knew you were gone.
But now I miss you more than ever.
Even if It was only a dream.

This morning I went to see the Lily we'd planted,
It's the only piece of you I have left.

As much as I still love you,
As much as I will always miss you,
As much as I want to dream of you again.
I'm afraid to fall asleep again,
Dreaming of you hurts to much...

Dreams Hurt™ By Nadia DeLevea

Jul 2017

Nadia DeLevea

Unrealistic Expectations

You're blind when you see me,
I'm on my knees and broken.
I remind you who I really am,
Remember these words I've spoken.

Unshakable you see me,
You see me standing tall.
Like a statue made of stone,
You see a rock who'll never fall.

Unbreakable you see me,
You see me effortlessly bold.
Like the stars will always shine,
You see power you think I hold.

Unstoppable you see me,
You see me fighting without fear.
Like relentless worriers conquer,
You see a hero who never sheds a tear.

I make my strength shine bright,
Shine to cover up my weakness.
You can't see past my Confidence,
You refuse to see me my meekness

Even stone can't stand forever,
The world will beat it down.
I remind you I'm only human,
The world can make me drown.

Even stars can't shine so bright,
So bright to shine through the clouds.
I remind you I'm just another face,
Another face in amongst the crowds.

Even heroes can't withstand all,
Hold the weight of the world alone.
I remind you I can't hold on forever,
Excessive trials will break my backbone.

I refuse to let you believe,
Believe who you see is perfect.
A pedestal I don't deserve,
And don't EVER say I'm worth it.

Unrealistic Expectations™ By Nadia DeLevea

#unshakable #unbreakable #unstoppable #strong #human #nohero #expectations