thinking too much
and not enough
losing my tongue in all these empty thoughts
my stutter
hits me like a ton of bricks
and suddenly i am thanking
..something
for the crushing weight of my jaw
i am so sick of listening to myself try to speak
it is embarrassing
trying to tell you how i feel
my teeth keep getting caught on things i'll never say
my fingers drum almost as fast as my heart
i only got high to feel normal
but i like the way you make me feel different

Finding words I like and putting them in my everyday talk  has helped me to re-find my inner nature leading me to my sepremer self.

So I brushed my hair
Twice!
With a fine tooth comb,
Until my hair flowed
Like silken water
And soft to the touch.

I scrubbed at my face
As if that soap and water
Would wash away
All my blemishes and past mistakes.

And when I was ready
I thumbed the blue dress
That look as though
It was for an adult dressed as a child.

"Blue like the ocean, blue like your eyes"

Im standing in the hallway,
Like a statue-perfect girl
With the eyes of my ancestors
Peering from the walls.
I held my breath
Like the breaths captured in all those peering eyes.

Today I would look perfect,
Like your darling little girl.
I know I am grown now
But on my birthday, I still hope you'll return.

Can one be traumatized by another person's trauma?
(Isn't that kind of how it works?)
Is there a known cure for an addiction to drama?
Can an entire family tree suffer from PTSD?
What about a whole country?

I love this all so much.
Just us, being here, like this.
Let's all live together,
for like,
forever.

War
can be like
love.
Gun shells and slamming doors
like confusing
apologies for ammunition.
trading
one life for the other.
Me?
or
You?
What are we fighting for?
starving countries.
Our hearts are
arsenals tucked behind closed minds.
Are you getting tired of the
shattering hearts and insults.
It started with
You.