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if i knew where to get drugs, i'd be a ******
2. sure, my ribs are visible, but what of it?
3. i lose myself in dreams at night and during algebra ii
4. i'm in lust with a girl with a boyfriend
5. or maybe i'm just paranoid
6. i'm lonely in these cinderblock walls
7. i find myself again under stage lights
8. i'm homeless (although not in the traditional sense)
9. i know i'm loved but
10. when my friends laugh with their other friends, it's about me
11. or maybe i'm just paranoid
12.if i lose it, who will visit me in the hell known as 'psychiatric ward'?
13. i can't hold my own in a fight because i cry into my wounds
14. besides, i don't write anymore
15. what is there to write about besides love and insanity anyway?
16. my demons visit this safe haven and desecrate it
17.their names are sarah kate and victoria
18. or maybe i'm just paranoid
19. but i swear i didn't name the voices inside my head
20. i make endless lists of things that don't matter
21. to do, to buy, to cry about, to write about
22. so i close my eyes when i sing
23.or maybe i'm just paranoid
24. and you hated this poem but
25. maybe i'm just paranoid
 Oct 2014 Alyssa Yu
lulu
i aspire to inspire
you, little girl
to pour out your heart
and break the walls you've build

i write to ignite
that fire in you, little girl
to stand on your two feet
and dare to dream

i aspire to inspire
for you too, little boy
to see that you can be different
and to see that you are one of a kind

i write to ignite
that fire in you too, little boy
to reach out to that light
and not let the darkness get into you

i have hope for you, little ones
to be the strong soldiers
in this world we live in.
for you, and you, and you.
 Oct 2014 Alyssa Yu
M
I wrote this for you because there were times I wish someone had written this for me-

Stop hating your reflection, stop hating the girl that is in your mirror. She is you, and you must love your fingertips to your eyelashes, your toes to your stomach all the way down to the edges of your soul and the depths of your heart.

Stop letting him be your world. Have you ever looked at a map? Have you even seen where the rivers go? Have you ever realized that you can get in the car and go? Don't tell me no, because it's true. Instead of following the rivers you let him create them and they flow down your face. Stop swimming in your tears, don't drown in his consuming love. Swim far away and resurface. Breathe in and out. Get out of the water and dry your tear soaked face off, and don't swim until you're ready again.

Stop letting your insecurities shape your mind. They're like needles injected into your body, leaving injuries and drops of blood while extracting your strength to put those thoughts to sleep. You have to learn to form your pretty little fingers into fists and start fighting off those nagging voices in your head that say you aren't good enough. Throw a punch, take a hit, get back up, wipe the sweat off your forehead and do it again. Battle until you come out bruised but on top, exhausted but a winner.

Stop letting him be your measure of worth. His attention and love will never, in your lifetime, fill the void where your own self love should be. He, nor any one guy, will ever fill your heart the way your own self love could. I promise you that loving yourself is so much more rewarding than someone else loving you. I promise I promise I promise.

Stop making excuses. Are you really happy or is that what you project? Is your smile real? Does he make you genuinely smile anymore? Are you falling asleep in his arms feeling alone? Are you?

Stop reading these words and start doing. I wrote this for you because I know he never would.
 Oct 2014 Alyssa Yu
Grassblade
Pen, my sail.
Words, my anchor.
Love, my compass.
Thought, my glass...
About how consciously trying to write poems often just slows me down.
 Oct 2014 Alyssa Yu
Grassblade
Shit
 Oct 2014 Alyssa Yu
Grassblade
The deepest ****
Makes the best fertilizer
After writing this poem hello poetry gave me the pop up '**** was saved'. I'm like a superhero or something
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