i didn't know you
but i think about you everyday
you were a friend of a boy whose brother i knew
and that's where i got the news
that you hung yourself when the pressure rose
your neck purple, the ground an inch too far from your toes
the ****** education system that got to your head
the grades and the scores and the race making you wish you were dead
you couldn't handle the look on your mom's face
"mom, i came second, not first, today"
you loved her, you loved your dad too
you loved your guitar, your band, the girl whose eyes were a million shades of blue
but the waves rose and you couldn't keep up
maybe it was just ill-fate or bad luck
you were just another fish swimming for dear life
but you were shoved away by the rough unforgiving tides
drowning, slowly, then all at once,
you went from being top of your class to being called a dunce
the disappointment and the rage and the wrinkles of stress on your mother's skin
made that sadness grow deeper and deeper within
until one day you realized it was better to give in
and so you climbed up that chair
pushed it away with your feet
kissed a picture of her
and listened to the last of your heart beat
hanging in the air
you whispered goodbye
"mother, i tried, i really did try"
and the wind left your lungs
the blood stopped in your veins
you dived away from reality
swimming into a new kind of pain
i think of you often
the friend of a boy whose brother i knew
i think of you often
because i can relate to you
its getting harder
the pressure, the stress
nothing is enough
not even my best
i think of joining you
in that darkness of bliss
looking at the world around me
there won't be much to miss
this rat race of doom running after a life of success
for me, it's just no longer worth it
so call me a coward or say i lost
but maybe death will give me what i want most
an escape from always having to win
an escape from the emptiness eating me from within
i think of you often
and i would like to know
are you happier now?
away from woe?
if you were here
would you advise me to stay?
or would you tell me to climb
that same chair, with the same belt, in the same room, at same same hour
in the exact
*same
way.
its getting to me