Alyanne Cooper

Alyanne Cooper Nov 2015

You see a flinch
And think "Oh, she's just jumpy."
You see a flinch
In the instant after
Your hand reaches out
To wipe away the tear
Stuck in the crow's feet of her eye.

You see a flinch
And take offense
Because how could she ever think
You would lay a hand on her?

But I wonder
Do you see that flinch
As more than just a reaction?
Do you realize it's the badge
She gets to wear as a survivor?

Born of years--
Not hours,
Not days,
Not weeks,
Not months,
But years--
Of flight
Or fight.

And that flinch
You so quickly dismiss as "jumpy"
Is her instant decision:
"It's okay. There's no danger here."
It's her instant decision
To not throw you down
And run for the nearest exit.
It's her instant decision
To go against instinct
And stay, calm,

With you.

You see a flinch;
I see courage.

#healing #abused

Alyanne Cooper Nov 2015

My Reflection's Pride

You ever have one of those days
Where the world's weight sets
Just a bit heavier on your shoulders
As you try your best to meet
Everyone's high standards,
But you can't because all you are is failure;
And you know that all you need
Is to hear one person say,
"Hey, you're doing great. It's hard;
But I'm proud of you."?

Ever have one of those days
Where that's all you'll need in order to make it--
Just one person to be proud of you?

Now I know you don't think much of me,
So this may not mean much to you,
But I think it should mean more
Than anybody else's words:

Well, I'm proud of you.

#self #talk #worth #pep

Alyanne Cooper Nov 2015

A Tale Not Worth Telling

Ours is a tale not meant for the telling.
No warnings or heedings need be passed on.
Ours is a story just meant for the living
And letting go into the forgotten history of humanity.

And yet I have each letter, each note, as keepsake;
To what end, I still haven't figured out.
I wish I could forget you
Like you've so easily forgotten me,
But my memory was always that much better--
Your external hard drive you called me--
Now my blessing to curse has turned.

Except, even without the physical mementos,
I would still be able to close my eyes and
See my hand reach out to that one errant lock of hair,
Hear your boisterous unbridled mirthful laughter,
Taste the savory meal your willing hands prepared,
And bask in the leftover glow of a lost true love.

With my eyes closed, we still exist.
With my eyes closed, we always exist.

But my eyes can't stay closed forever.
I have to open them now.
And I hope that when I do,
I'll hate myself a little less for ever loving you.

#love #lost #forward #moving #broken-hearted

Alyanne Cooper Oct 2015

Tribute #2

They say I'll forget...with time.
But I don't think they ever met you,
For you were the most sublime
Of all the universe ever knew.

And it's true what I said,
It was always you.
It will always be you.
I'll never forget.

I can't forget.
Sláinte

#loss #tribute

Alyanne Cooper Oct 2015

Confession #15

You came from a broken home
With the memories of a broken heart.
You didn't believe in love.

I did though.

And we were still young,
Especially I,
And I thought I could teach you to love again.

We spent countless nights
Recounting our pasts,
And as you poured out your heartless heart,
I picked up each broken piece,
And with the fibers of my own heart
Sewed yours back together again.

I was a fixer, you see,
And you were broken,
So I had to fix you.

I had to fix you.

But I didn't have anything but me,
So that's what I used;
Can't you see that?!

I broke my own heart
So yours would be whole again.

And I dried your tears and held your hand
And watched you struggle then stand
On your own
Because now...
Your heart was whole!

You laughed!
You smiled!
You rejoiced!
And I joined in.
Because to see you happy
Was all I had ever wanted.

But then your hand slipped from mine.

I didn't understand it:
I couldn't comprehend it:
You walked away.

Your heart was whole now,
So you didn't need me anymore.
You were okay now.
You believed in love now.
You had a heart now.

So you walked away.

And the thumping rhythm I had known since birth
Faded into oblivion.
Because don't you see?
I fixed your heart with me.

Now I'm heartless.
Now I'm broken.
Now I don't believe in love.

But don't pity me.
Because honestly,
Given the same choice
I'd make it a thousand times again
And more.

Because I will always choose
You over me.

#love #broken

Alyanne Cooper Oct 2015

The Insomniac's Curse

I run down unlit streets
Like the hounds of hell are at my feet
And I can barely keep
Going my own heartbeat.

It's the witching hour
And I've got a taste most sour
Like brimstone and fire
Because the night holds only the dire.

This is my end and my defeat.
This is my fall and my surrender.
And once I give in...
This is my home and my familiar:
The moonless sky my soul's twin,
For in darkness and shadows we live.

The clarity of life is gone.
Left to our own dark devices.
We are the haunted, the ******.
Those forced to exist without sleep.

#insomnia #curse

Alyanne Cooper Oct 2015

Confession #14

Your words were
Believable
And I,
I trusted you.
But you were
A liar
And you
You conned me too.
You took all that I had and left me

Broken.