I watched a movie once,
where this girl keeps ruining her life
as she and her brother walk on a beach he asks her whats going on
and she turns to him and says "Maybe I'm the faller. The one who doesnt get the boy, the one who never gets an A. The one who trips and stumbles and pulls everybody down with her. every family has one. ours must be me."
i hear her say this, and i hear the pain in her voice as she says it,
and i realize that i am the faller.
i ***** up
i cause pain to my family
how can someone who never does anything right even come close to
standing up straight?

I love it when I come home and I am wrapped into your arms.

I love it when candle light by a bathtub makes the water look like molten gold

I love it when I'm cooking and you slide into the kitchen in your socks blasting Beyoncé out of a speaker and sweeping me up, we laugh and dance for hours

I love it when I'm walking to the train in the morning and I can see the sun rise and hear the birds waking up

I love it when I walk into the class we share and you grin at me

I love it when a fancy lady walks across a wooden floor in heels making a clack click clack sound

the queen of the weekend wakes
and looks around her chamber
loosesly scattered Target clothes cover the **** carpet floor
she walks to the shower and pours Bath and Body works soap in her hair
dries her face and puts on her CVS brand make up
proudly walks to her wallet and go to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee
she sits and puts her earphones in
hair up in a damp bun
she sips her coffee and watches the flow of people through the glass pane door
at 3 o clock she get up and calls her friends
a plan to meet at Cha Chas in manhatten is aranged for 7pm
she goes home and picks the clothes off the floor
goes to the tiny closet and pulls out a slinky black dress and heels
curls her hair and re applies her mascara and lip stick
she grabs her phone and wallet and heads out the door to go find her king

anybody smart would call the police if they were beaten
but i love you too much to protect myself
and the bruises look like hearts anyway

when you're writing a major paper
and your coffee *** beeps
and in those precious few seconds when you get out of you chair to pour another cup (black with two lumps of sugar) you glimpse through the curtain in the kitchenette of your dorm the stars at 1am
and your hair is held up in a bun with a pencil stuck through it
and you return to your perch on the office depot swivel chair and your grey sweat pants and blue tank top swish and your fingers hit the keys inspired by a new rush of caffeine

when you walk by i get shaky
deep in my core i rattle
I'm not sure why
but you're so worth the tremors
i guess deep down i know
and i think you're different
you treat me differently
you're different around me
softer, kinder, gentle even
but when you breathe me in i get shaky
and I'm not sure what to do with my hands
and I'm not sure where to look when
you pull my face up with your hands
and my face is below yours
and your arm is in my locker
and people are watching but you don't care
because you're different
and it makes me shake

thrumming bass pumps into my body
an electric pulse, thumping through my bones,
zapping my veins and frying my nerves
creating static as the golden drops pour into my ears
hair flying around my head in a wreath of hell
the speakers sing

I'm ****** up, I'm black and blue. I'm built for all the abuse. got secrets that nobody knows. I'm good on that ***** ****. I dont want what I can get. I want someone with secrets that nobody knows. I need a gangsta, to love me better, than all the others do...

a tech hum fills my body
bodys sliding in tune with the tempo
hands run on hands run on back and thighs
the song croons with delectable bass

got me up so im barely breathing...

fingers trace my neckline and I bend with the notes
eyes closed hands clasped swirling in a mob of people,
all surging with the beat
the energy is high, and seeping in through my skin

i drink it all in