I don't know where I'm going wrong.
I do things that make me happy.
I surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself.
But, I don't feel good about myself.
I do my best to treat myself with kindness but the bad thoughts won't go away.
I have the deepest conversations with myself yet I can't even begin to express to another person exactly how I feel.
Do I feel too much?
To deeply?
Too carelessly?
I can talk about the things I've experienced but I can not communicate what it did to me.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong,
when I'm trying everything in my capability to do right.
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm hurting far beyond what I let people see,
I don't know where I learned that,
but I really wish I wasn't like that.
To feel everything, but absolutely nothing at all is a ******* curse.
Someday, just someday, I will be able to smile again for no reason at all.