I ask of you,
Forgiveness beyond any other
For as I stand,
Oppon this broken earth
I fear of my past
Of my present
And the future I throw away
For I have sinned
Red stains my hands
‘Defence is justified’
But is it really?
Yes, he sinned first,
But do I truly have the right?
To take one's life?
‘An eye for an eye’
A life for a life
But mine is unfit
*****...
Sick...
It does not hold value
In this broken world
Where little light escapes
So I ask you,
As I take the step
Am I worthy of forgiveness?
I took a life,
In order to keep a choice
A choice I would of saved for my one and only.
But does that choice mean as much as a life?
Yes I was scared
Yes I was attacked.
Yes he sinned first
But my crime weighs more
So I ask for you to listen
And forgive.
Not of me.
But of him.
For I have taken a choice from him.
As he was going to do of me.
But as he was going to take a choice of body.
I took his choice of life.
I am filthy
Tainted
I do not deserve your presence
But please.
As I give my choice of life
In place of his
To forgive him.
For he was lost
And alone.
Like we were  once
So as I take the step into the air
I thank you
For listening
And I hope
That one day
One will do the same for you
As you have done for me
So Thank You.

The world can be a cruel and hurtful place
We blame fate, or Satan, or even God
All things that amplify
                 our own failings as human beings.

Fate does not deal in good or bad
It can bear no blame at all
All fate can do is point out
                our own failings as human beings

Satan then must be the source of such
But blaming him only furthers his cause
All the dark one does is allow us
               our own failings as human beings

Then God must do these worst of things
But that’s not the God I know
All God does is love and forgive us
                our own failings as human beings

The world can be a cruel and hurtful place
We blame fate, or Satan, or even God
All things but where the problem lies –
                our own failings as human beings

A Happy Ending (because there isn't enough today)

Just between
You and me
I always kind of had
A tiny ever-present
Crush on you
That's probably never going to
Go away
But that's okay because
I like the way
It feels to have
My stomach swim
At the thought of you

After a while
I realized that
When you have a never ending
Attraction to
Someone
It's not really a crush anymore
More of an extreme infatuation
I guess you could even call it
Love

I really hoped you would like me
Too
But that's fantasy
Because no one gets the
Fairy tale ending they hope for
And I was too broken for anyone to
Love me
Until I realized
The subtle hints you dropped
About how you were constantly
Lonely
And needed someone to
Love you

This kind of thing
Just doesn't happen to me
I was a
Wallflower
And you had more friends then
I ever would
But you assured me
That your love was
True

I couldn't believe it
But when you
Dropped to one
Knee
And asked me to be your
Girlfriend
Because you've always had a
Tiny ever-present
Crush on me
I was convinced
That happy endings might
Actually exist
And you were mine
And I was yours

This only happens once in a
Lifetime
And I'm so
Grateful
It was
Mine

You tell me that you love me so,
and that you always will-
a love like that is hard to find,
and harder to fulfill.
You love me while I'm full of life
I truly hope you stay,
but are you gonna love me when
the luster falls away?

I'll never be this young again,
now, please, don't think me bold-
but are you sure your love will stand
when I am gray and old?
The spring will be gone from my step,
my strength will also fade.
Will I turn round to see you gone,
or be glad that you stayed?

The stars themselves fade out in time,
their shine will dim and die,
and it won't take that kind of time
to wither you and I;
but if you love me as you say,
then time will see us kept,
until beneath her currents cold
the river sees us swept.

So, when the luster falls away,
and all that's left is old,
will you still be the one I have,
the one I get to hold?
If your dear heart is true enough
to an old soul like me,
then that sweet love will be enough
for my eternity.

mistakes
or second guessing
no one will know now
what that eraser dust was

i am four. i don't want to be a princess. i tell my mother i want to be an astronaut. as young as i am, i am already wanting to be with the constellations. i am eight. at this point, i have wanted to be many things. the weirdest: a bee keeper, after a field trip to some zoo. i stick, however, to consider being a teacher; to children, i hoped. specifically kindergarten. or maybe a football player?

i am ten. i have it all planned out. i'll be taking up Mass Communication in college and i'll work as an author, or a journalist. i consider being a newscaster. or a National Geographic photographer. i am fourteen. i do not want to be anything but dead. six feet under with my feet pointing the way the tulips grow.

and now... i guess i just miss how simple it all was. how i was so convinced i had my **** together. how there weren't entrance exams to worry about, or wrongly-chosen tracks and courses and electives to regret. because it gets harder to hold it together, gets harder to hope for the better, gets harder to love and live when there are galaxies upon galaxies calling out your name;

i want to be wide-eyed and four years old again; arms outstretched to the sky, the stars at the tips of my fingers. i want to be that little girl again. that little girl who was excited to get up in the morning and face what the universe had in store. that little girl who wasn't cynical for tomorrows she was not promised. that little girl who smiled bright in pictures, and actually meant it.